Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Vulnerability and the Myth of the True Dominant

Just as there are unrealistic ideas out there about what is a "True Submissive", there are also unhelpful beliefs floating around the collective consciousness regarding the "True Dominant".

My friend Richard wrote in his blog entry Dommes and Vulnerability about how Dommes are women first with all the softness and need for emotional support implied. In the ensuing discussion, Richard followed up by saying:
It was a real surprise to hear from a few women who feared allowing their humanity to come through might diminish their femdomly sex appeal.
That was a real surprise to me, too, but I think that the women are responding to something; they are responding to an imaginary construct of the True Dominatrix. Some of the attributes that this mythical creature possesses are:

  • Ultimate detachment. Nothing the submissive does or says will move her, unless she chooses.
  • Mind reading abilities. She can see into the submissive's soul and knows his deepest desires without him saying a word.
  • She is a true sadist, and enjoys torturing him primarily because it thrills her.
  • She is always in control of her emotions (always calm and logical, except when she needs to be angry and strict).
  • She knows the perfect thing to say or do to her submissive, always.

I don't know about you, but the fantasy image seems cold and flat to me. It almost feels like a male image (always logical, detached, methodical) superimposed on the feminine. It certainly does not appeal to me in a real life relationship. It feels almost psychopathic, and while that may have certain charms in fantasy, it's not my idea of someone I want to give myself to.

My Mistress is a real person. She has her moods. She rages, she cries, she gets discouraged and depressed from time to time. She also laughs, has a great sense of humor, possesses a witchy intuition that a lot of women share, and is wise in many ways. She is not the cardboard cutout of my juvenile fantasies.

To those dominant women who are worried that showing your humanity will make you less of a dominant, or less appealing, I say: It is your humanity, your vulnerability, your grace and softness and your sadness and tears mixed in with your womanly charms and strength that brings me and a lot of other submissive men to our knees!

I know that if I want to really serve Mistress Laura, sometimes I have to just hold her and listen to her. When she cries, when she is vulnerable, when she is sad, she is still in charge, and I am still her loyal and devoted servant.

4 Comments:

At 9/6/06, 9:50 PM, Blogger SeaDove1216 said...

I love what you have to say about 'the Myth of the True Dominant'. I have told My submissives a version of this. I remind them we are people first and foremost.

 
At 9/7/06, 10:03 PM, Blogger helpmate hubby said...

Thats so true, in our Wives lives when the feel weak and vulnerable they need a knight, just like as in other times they truly need a slave. We males in a FLR have to wear a multitude of hats to give our Wives the support they need and deserve.

 
At 9/21/06, 12:41 PM, Blogger slave2Catwoman said...

Very insightful post. Novice dommes sometimes fall victim to the myth that they have to be invulnerable, cold, and some kind of superwoman. Way to bust that myth. Sometimes it's okay for her to be a girl, and sometimes a submissive male has to be a man.

 
At 7/20/11, 7:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

[quote]Just as there are unrealistic ideas out there about what is a "True Submissive", there are also unhelpful beliefs floating around the collective consciousness regarding the "True Dominant".My friend Richard wrote in his blog entry Dommes and Vulnerability about how Dommes are women first with all the softness and need for emotional support implied. In the ensuing discussion, Richard followed up by saying:It was a real surprise to hear from a few women who feared allowing their humanity to come through might diminish their femdomly sex appeal.That was a real surprise to me, too, but I think that the women are responding to something; they are responding to an imaginary construct of the True Dominatrix. Some of the attributes that this mythical creature possesses are:Ultimate detachment. Nothing the submissive does or says will move her, unless she chooses.Mind reading abilities. She can see into the submissive's soul and knows his deepest desires without him saying a word.She is a true sadist, and enjoys torturing him primarily because it thrills her.She is always in control of her emotions (always calm and logical, except when she needs to be angry and strict).She knows the perfect thing to say or do to her submissive, always.I don't know about you, but the fantasy image seems cold and flat to me. It almost feels like a male image (always logical, detached, methodical) superimposed on the feminine. It certainly does not appeal to me in a real life relationship. It feels almost psychopathic, and while that may have certain charms in fantasy, it's not my idea of someone I want to give myself to.My Mistress is a real person. She has her moods. She rages, she cries, she gets discouraged and depressed from time to time. She also laughs, has a great sense of humor, possesses a witchy intuition that a lot of women share, and is wise in many ways. She is not the cardboard cutout of my juvenile fantasies.To those dominant women who are worried that showing your humanity will make you less of a dominant, or less appealing, I say: It is your humanity, your vulnerability, your grace and softness and your sadness and tears mixed in with your womanly charms and strength that brings me and a lot of other submissive men to our knees!I know that if I want to really serve Mistress Laura, sometimes I have to just hold her and listen to her. When she cries, when she is vulnerable, when she is sad, she is still in charge, and I am still her loyal and devoted servant.[/quote] i agree

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