Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Dealing with jealousy, FemDom style

I admit it. I am a jealous husband. Especially when it comes to Mistress Laura's ex-boyfriends, I am ungracious and pathetically insecure. I fret and I sulk and I become a complete pain.

I think part of this stems from an unconscious “ownership” mentality with respect to my Wife. This mentality went unchallenged for all the years that I was the head of the household.

Recently, my jealousy was starting to become an issue.

Mistress Laura has an ex boyfriend, David, on the East Coast. David is married, non-kinky and monogamous. David and Laura have maintained a friendship over the years and they still love each other. David lives close to Mistress Laura's family and is in touch with her brothers and sisters. Over the years, he has become part of my Mistress Wife's extended family.

Because of recent family news (births, illnesses, the usual stuff) Mistress Laura has been spending a couple of hours on the phone, talking with David. I did not like this at all. I was not openly disapproving (I do know my place), but I was grumpy, sullen, mopey. Very attractive behavior, all in all.

She tried talking with me. Here's how one of the early conversations went:

“Tom, do you have a problem with me talking to David as much as I have been? I'm sensing a lot of hostility about the time I'm spending on the phone with him.”

“No, Ma'am.” I said, defensively, reflexively and without much thought. Then, a moment later, I added: “Yes, I feel jealous. There's not much I can do about it, because you obviously have the right to talk to whoever you want, but I don't have to like it.”

“Well, I almost feel bad, talking to David, because you seem so miserable.”

To my Mistress Wife's gracious statement of caring for my feelings, I replied like an oaf: “Whatever. I don't really care. Like I said, I don't have to like it, but you can do what you want.”

In retrospect, I can see that I was not really being a good partner. I just wanted to shut the conversation down and move on, and refused to feel the root feelings. Shut it down, compartmentalize it, let's move on. How stereotypical. :-)

We had a few more conversations. Some of the conversations deteriorated faster than others. In some, I was openly hostile to the topic from the beginning. I kept repeating that “I'm jealous and a bit angry and there's not much I can do about it.” I would leave each conversation more miserable and I don't even want to think what my Wife must have been feeling.

She got tired of dealing with the issue in a vanilla fashion.

Yesterday morning, I was woken up at 5AM with one hand firmly in my hair and my Mistress's other hand grasping my (her!) cock and balls firmly.

“Are you awake yet, slaveboy?”

The shot of adrenaline had certainly woken me up and my cock was instantly hard.

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Good.” She let go of me and motioned for me to kneel on the side of the bed. “David is leaving for work in about an hour. I want you to crawl into the other room, get me the portable phone, and crawl back.”

I did as she commanded, aroused by being ordered around. As I was crawling away, she laughed and commented “cute butt.” that made me feel good. When I brought her the phone, she once again had me kneel beside the bed.

She was sitting on the bed, with me kneeling beside her. She caressed my cheek lovingly, planted her lovely naked feet on the floor, and told me:

“I am going to call David now. You are to be completely silent and kissing my feet the whole time. If I so much as feel bad attitude from you, you will be extremely sorry. Now, slaveboy, start kissing my feet.”

My heart was in my throat and my stomach felt jumbled up with love, adoration, lust. I planted my hands on either side of her feet, and started kissing her feet lovingly. Every once in a while, I would lick a little bit.

She dialed the phone and in a minute was chatting with David. She was joking and laughing and talking with her ex boyfriend while I was naked, my butt in the air, kissing and licking her pretty little feet. My cock was rock hard the whole time. I think the conversation lasted about twenty minutes. I did not feel jealous in the least; I think my mind was incapable of feeling anything other than lust and adoration while I was kissing my Mistress's feet.

When she was done, she pushed the “off” button on the phone and set it aside. She then leaned down and motioned for me to stop and kneel up, cupping my face in her hands, she said to me tenderly, “Now, my cute little slaveboy, that wasn't so bad, was it?” and she reached down and stroked my already rock hard cock.

“No, Mistress, it wasn't bad,” I said, blushing a bit.

She kept stroking me and told me to tell her when I was close to coming. In a few minutes, I was very very close and told her so. She then stopped abruptly.

“You will not be allowed to orgasm today, slaveboy,” she said, looking pleased with the effect she was having on me, “Now, kiss my feet again and crawl back into bed. We're going to cuddle and go back to sleep.”

I planted my lips lovingly on her feet, kissing each foot a few times, and crawled back into bed, where she spooned me from behind. I felt at peace.

Since then, she has re-iterated that she will call David or whomever she wants at any time, and that the least amount of moping or surliness will earn me a severe punishment.

Interestingly, I feel so much more secure than when she was trying to deal with my jealousy in a conventional manner.

8 Comments:

At 9/27/06, 1:10 PM, Blogger saratoga said...

That's a very interesting post. Very thought provoking.

It's not cuckolding, as your prior two posts, but it clearly, in your mind, treads close to the general set of feelings we are told, by those who have experienced it, that cuckolding brings forth.

It gives me some ideas for a post I'm sketching out about cuckolding.

Your post is particularly thought-provoking for the way in which Mistress Laura ultimately, effectively handled your jealousy.

Some good ideas and experiences on which to muse.

Thanks.

-saratoga

 
At 9/27/06, 3:14 PM, Blogger Mistress Laura's boy said...

Hi Saratoga,

Thanks for the comment.

I guess for me, her treatment of me made it plain that she has the power and the control and that she can do whatever she wants. I would not be allowed to control her actions overtly or by broadcasting my jealous/insecure feelings.

Most importantly for me, the feelings have subsided... It's like I was forced to a zen detachment, since being attached to having it "my way" was simply not allowed.

 
At 9/28/06, 8:17 PM, Blogger oldbear said...

Hi mlb, I do believe you should have been punished for being snotty and uncommunicative about her phone conversations.

But I cant fault you for being jealous and insecure and resentful. Your feelings and emotions are neither right nor wrong, and it is up to you to communicate them to her respectfully . It is up to her (or the Dom) to wisely consider everything and them choose a solution based on all due considerations.

Seems she did the perfect thing, and you have adapted well after her treatment. I am happy for you!


ps--I dont think your objections are due to ownership mentality--unless you were a pompous ass under the old paternal style marriage you had.

 
At 9/29/06, 12:08 AM, Blogger Mistress Laura's boy said...

Hi oldbear. Thanks for the comments. Yes, it is entirely possible that I was a pompous ass. I may still be one from time to time. :-)

Best regards,
Thomas.

 
At 10/5/06, 6:58 PM, Blogger SeaDove1216 said...

I found this post quite intriguing.

As a Mistress in a long distance relationship, I don't have to deal with day to day issues that your Mitress has to deal with. I often wonder when and how to deal with a problem with my submissive. Do I chose to deal with an issue on a person to person level or just take the reins and don't give him a choice?

It seems to me there is a fine line to such matters. Perhaps that becomes more clear as the relationship progresses.

Thanks again for an interesting look into your relationship and how it works.

SeaDove

 
At 10/5/06, 11:22 PM, Blogger Mistress Laura's boy said...

Hi SeaDove,

That's really the question in this type of relationship: In what areas does the Domina "take over", and how?

In my case, I have to tell you that in most cases, when Mistress Laura tries to talk to me as an equal in an area where she is clearly the boss, it's just unsettling. I'd rather be told and shown how she wants me to behave.

Saratoga did a great post about this here: http://tinyurl.com/q2ewl

I'm still mulling it over and will probably comment on his post in a few days.

 
At 11/14/06, 9:08 AM, Blogger Miranda said...

I stumbled across this blog, surfing. It's very interesting. I'm in a mild D/s long distant relationship. So I dont have to deal with the day to day things, but I do have my moments of jealousy, when I know she's chatting, on the phone with or corresponding to other people.

 
At 11/14/06, 8:16 PM, Blogger Mistress Laura's boy said...

Hi Miranda.

So you are long distance and you feel jealous of her spending time with others? How do you deal with it?

Best regards,
Thomas

 

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