Monday, July 13, 2009

A new kink

A short post for now while I work on a longer post. Over the last few days, Mistress Laura has discovered a new kink of mine.

She knows German and a couple of other languages, and for fun, she started talking to me in German, which I don't understand except for a few words.

The emotional effect on me was somewhat surprising! I was so turned on.

She has to repeat her phrases several times to get simple commands across to me, but I am slowly starting to learn, at least enough to be ordered around in German.

Do any of you have any similar experiences?

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

The erotic charge of relinquishing my will

Here are a few recent interactions between myself and Mistress Laura. Starting off with some fairly mundane ones:
We are discussing dinner plans.

Mistress Laura says “Let me know what you think, baby. I am thinking about going to our favourite Thai restaurant again.”

“Mistress, we've gone there so many times lately that I'm starting to get a bit tired of it. Can we go somewhere else?”

“Well, do you have something else to suggest?”

“How about Japanese?”

“Had that at lunch today.” She pauses, then declares “I decided. We are going to the Thai place.”

There's an instant of short lived disappointment, accompanied by a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and a warm tingling that starts to spread. “As you wish.” I stand up to get dressed so we can go. I have trouble zipping up my jeans because of the very rigid bulge.

The second episode, simpler and more compressed:
I am on the computer, working on something and somewhat absorbed.

“Thomas, come here.”

There's a second of irritation followed almost immediately by that tingling warmth and before I know it, I am headed toward Mistress's office to kneel and find out what she wants.

With respect to household chores, as I stated previously:
I hate scrubbing toilets. However, putting on the yellow gloves and kneeling down and scrubbing the toilet always gives me a rush, produces a very stiff hardon, and empties my mind, giving way to a feeling of calm and relaxation, in spite of (or perhaps because of) hating the task.
And of course, in the bedroom:
“You want to come tonight, baby?”

“Yes Ma'am!”

“How would you like to do it?”

“Inside you, Mistress.” I'm feeling greedy, but about one time in four, she does let me come like that.

“Hmmm... Not tonight, my boy. I want you to put on a condom so you don't make a mess, get on the ground on your stomach and hump the carpet. No hands, but I'll let you kiss my feet while you do it. I know you like that. And, if you beg nicely, I might let you come.”

I start humping the carpet and kissing her feet, feeling small. She is sitting on the bed, wearing a T-shirt and panties, with her bare feet on the ground, and I am licking and kissing her feet and humping the ground. Just comparing what I am doing as opposed to what I wished to be doing heightens the sense of embarrassment which makes me almost go over the edge. But I know better.

“Mistress, may I please come? I am very close. Please, Mistress?”

There's a long pause and I hold myself on the edge. “No, you may not. But seeing you doing that turned me on, baby. Come on up here and eat my pussy.”

And so, I am denied another orgasm, but the delicious humming tingly sexual feeling in my groin now spreads all around my body. I am in a trance as I climb onto the bed and help her out of her panties and start to kiss and lick her to an orgasm.

When I think about these types of interactions, I find it interesting that in almost all other areas of my life, I am very assertive and I get what I want, when I want it, but with my Mistress Wife, I delight in the opposite.

There is an inherent erotic charge from being told what to do and from subverting my own desires in order to please my lovely wife. There is an inherent and (and undeniable, considering my state of undress most of the time) erotic charge in being “forced” to do things that I don't necessarily enjoy because my Mistress wants me to do them.

In these moments, when I am simply following her desires, I don't even mind the missed opportunities for an orgasm; the heady space, the trance state that is like infatuation, but a hundred times more potent, is worth it. I really am here to serve and please her.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy 4th of July: lots of domestic and personal service

Yesterday was a day off of work for me. This meant that I got to get up early, do my Friday workout, shower and shave and then get my Mistress her breakfast. Afterwards, she told me to put on my high heels and frilly apron and come back and kneel at her feet.

I put on the black high heels and the apron (it's a black and white pattern that evokes images of a maidservant) and tied it in the back, all the while getting a hardon. Then I went back into Mistress Laura's office and knelt.

She then gave me a list of chores to do, had me kiss her feet, and left for an appointment for a few hours.

I spent a few blissful hours vacuuming, doing laundry, and scrubbing toilets. Well, actually, my feelings are more complicated than that simple description. For example, I hate scrubbing toilets. However, putting on the yellow gloves and kneeling down and scrubbing the toilet always gives me a rush, produces a very stiff hardon, and empties my mind, giving way to a feeling of calm and relaxation, in spite of (or perhaps because of) hating the task.

I was basically done with my chores when Mistress came back home again. She inspected my work and was pleased, and told me to put my cleaning uniform away and take a little break while she caught up on some paperwork and Emails in her office. At that point, I started to catch up on some blog reading and posting, but a text message interrupted me about fifteen minutes into it.

“Come to my office. -ML”

I left the computer and went to kneel at her feet.

“I feel like having an orgasm. I'll probably let you have one later this long weekend, but not now.”

“Yes, Mistress.”

And with that, she led the way into the bedroom, got comfortable on the bed, and let me start by massaging and licking her feet. I was once again hard as a rock. She gave instructions when she wanted me to change something about what I was doing (“slower, go soft there... that's right...”) and managed to have a nice toe-curling full-body orgasmic release.

“Good boy. Now come here and cuddle me for a bit, before I send you to do some grocery shopping.”

While cuddling, she grabbed her slaveboy's hard hard cock, wrapping her fingers around it at the base of the shaft and gave me a soft kiss on the lips, telling me “I like that you are almost always hard around me and are so eager to please me.”

After a few more minutes, she sent me shopping. When I returned, the rest of the evening was spent watching TV (me sitting naked at my Mistress's feet while she relaxed on the recliner).

When we were ready to sleep for the night, my Lady told me “I'm going to want you to lick and kiss and massage my feet tomorrow morning to wake me up around 8AM. I might even use your mouth and tongue to come again, so be ready.” So, when I shaved again before bed, I made sure to do a very good job.

In bed next to Mistress Laura, I set my alarm for 7:55 and it took me a long time to drift to sleep.

This morning, when my alarm went off, I began my morning by slowly getting out of bed on my side of the bed, moving over to the other side and kneeling down and massaging and kissing my Mistress's beautiful feet. She moaned as she woke up a little bit, and I kissed and licked up her legs, up to around her knees, at which point she grabbed my hair and pulled and pushed by mouth into her pussy. Her smell was intoxicating and I was so hard and excited; there was precum oozing and my heart was beating in a way that I could feel it in my ears and my mouth and tongue were working on automatic.

I felt like an animal, and for just a second, I thought to myself that I could easily pin my Mistress to the bed and push my cock inside her wet pussy, but just as I was thinking this, she pulled my hair and pushed her thighs together around my ears and arched her back and my focus was totally on her, there was nothing but Her in the Universe for an instant; She was my Universe in that moment. I could feel the waves of tension and relaxation and she came nicely, accompanied by some loud guttural sounds that made my heart swell with good feelings.

We lay there for a few minutes then, breathing together.

“Good boy. I think you are getting a little bit better at that.”

That comment made me feel so good at that moment, it's hard to put into words. I get squeaky eyed when I recall it.

“Okay, my boy. I want you to cook me breakfast next: Toasted English muffin, two sausage links, two eggs sunny side up.”

I disentangled myself and prepared and served her breakfast, while she read the news on her iPhone and watched TV in bed.

Since then, we've just been relaxing. we have no plans to watch fireworks later, just taking it easy. I'm happy. She tells me that she's planning to do my attitude adjustment session with the cane later tonight or maybe tomorrow.

Life is good. Here's to hoping that your 4th of July is an enjoyable one too.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Nakedness, hairlessness, humiliation and power

I love my Mistress Wife, but I am also completely infatuated and obsessed with her and want to please her desperately. There is a deliberate and continual process of enhancing desire and enforcing powerlessness and subtle and not so subtle humiliation that goes into creating and maintaining my state of mind.

Early in our relationship, when my Mistress Wife took the reins, she set up a few rules:

Nakedness - Whenever we are alone, unless she otherwise specifies, I am to be completely nude. This by itself has a very interesting psychological effect on me. Enforced nudeness is a direct reminder that I have no personal boundaries and that my body is not fully my own.

The first thing I do when I get home from work is to quickly undress and go and find Mistress (usually in her office) and kneel quietly at her feet and wait for her to address me. Sometimes I wait a few minutes while she finishes something else, the whole time aware of the fact that I am here to please her and that it is my proper place to kneel here, naked, while she completes an Email or finishes a phone call. My heart beats fast and my cock comes to full attention most of the time before she even turns around and tells me to kiss her feet.

Smoothness/shaving - I shave everywhere at least twice a day. Once in the morning when I wake up, and once in the afternoon before I head back home. And every time I shave, I remember all the little things that Mistress Laura has told me about shaving my hair off for her.

As I shave my face, I hear her voice in my head, telling me “I want your face and lips to be completely smooth for me. Baby smooth. So if I let you kiss me or lick my pussy, I'm completely enjoying it...”

And when I shave my body, I remember her saying things like “I prefer a boy who is all smooth and soft for me... Even your cock and balls... I want it all smooth, do you understand, my little boy?” And the act of shaving makes me focus on her, and on her pleasure and my cock gets hard sometimes just as I turn on the shaver. A constantly re-inforced Pavlovian response.

In this enforced state of hairlessness, as in the requirement to be nude in her presence, the inequality is part of the thrill. Mistress is almost always clothed. And while requiring that I shave off all my hair, most of the time she has a full covering of hair down there (and I love the smell and look and taste of it when she puts my mouth and tongue to work). She gets to do as she pleases, and I get to do as she commands.

For me, these two standing orders seems to be symbolically about removing barriers and reiterating the notion that what she says about my body is The Law. In fact, recently, she has told me that I may not even get a haircut without her permission.

Humiliation - This one comes in many forms.

Denial and orgasm control is part of it. She often teases me for a few days, using my tongue to give herself an orgasm while denying me a release. She then tells me to beg, making me kiss and lick her feet while begging for release, and more often than not, simply says “No.”

She often has me dress in a frilly apron while doing housework so that she can tease me about being such a good little maid for her. This makes me feel embarrassed and also weak in the knees.

Sexually, it's all been about humiliation lately. Recently she had me lay on the floor, with clothespins on my nipples and balls, while she put a realistic looking dildo in my mouth and told me to “suck that cock, and don't even think about coming till I tell you to, you cock sucker.” as I painfully stroked my very hard cock using a small pair of girl panties. When she finally permit me to come, she took the dildo out of my mouth and made me beg for her to remove the clothespins, which she did, one by one, causing me pain (she tells me my pain makes her cunt twitch), and then finished by ordering me to kiss her feet and telling me to wear the wet little girl panties for the rest of the evening.

Objectively looking at this scene, I should not even be in the least bit aroused by it, but I was very much aroused, by the helplessness, by the fact that I had to wait to be allowed to come, and that even then, even while allowing me a release, she was enjoying inflicting pain on me and that I wanted her to, because it pleased her.

The power imbalance, the helplessness, the lack of boundaries are very much tied into the desperate and insatiable erotic charge and the control that she has on me. I am completely smitten by her.

What do you all think? Especially if you are experienced in FemDom dynamics, what is part of the thrill for you?

P.S. I set up a Twitter account recently. Feel free to follow me.