Monday, September 25, 2006

More on cuckolding

Since writing the previous post (“Is she just playing with me?”) I have gotten some very nice comments. One correspondent, DH, wrote me a very nice concerned note privately, saying:
I am against cuckolding in most cases, even though I find the idea of being the so-called bull enormously arousing. I also endorse it in some corrective and advanced-practicioner situations.

Through the net I have “met” many who were happy with the wife having sex outside the marriage. I have “met" some for whom it is a train wreck in real life. Her having more partners for her pleasure need not be an exercise in denial or humiliation for you. They need not be linked at all.
First of all, before I go into this in more detail, I have to say right upfront that right now, I am not emotionally mature enough or enlightened enough to consider being a cuckold husband. Not that it's in my hands at all; if Mistress wanted, she could move me there in no time flat. With that preamble out of the way, I wanted to delve a bit into this particular expression of my Mistress Wife's sexual power over me.

DH's comments were very appreciated, and they caused me to reflect on the core of the erotic attraction to being denied sex even as my Wife could fuck whomever she wishes, however she wishes.

Part of my thrill is the denial, the humiliation, the power trip for my wife. I like the idea of inherent unfairness, unreasonableness, inequality; for example, my wife controls all the money and can do pretty much whatever she wants. I, on the other hand, always have to ask for permission for my non-routine purchases. She can have me pleasure her to multiple orgasms, then she can roll over and fall asleep. She can masturbate anytime she wants to. I, on the other hand, need her permission before I can even touch myself for any purpose other than cleaning.

The bottom line is: Her control makes me happy. Even if I am frustrated in that moment.

DH continued in his message:
I would point out that in many if not most of these happy couples the hubby remains the focus of the wife's actions and her other Lovers are no more than fucktoys or friends with benefits.
This is an interesting idea, but misses the emotional masochism inherent in the scenarios that attract me (like a moth to a flame). The fantasy, in its basest form, involves the dominant sadist wife inflicting physical and emotional pain on her submissive husband, while enjoying herself to the hilt with another man.

If the submissive husband retains the most vaunted role, the “true love” spot in the wife's heart, then he is secure... But the eroticism of the situation revolves around his insecurity.

As sick and twisted as that may seem, the danger, the insecurity, the abject shame and humiliation are at the core of the “enjoyment” of such an experience.

If I was being cuckolded, I know I would be miserable but I would also be turned on by such a flagrant display of power by my Mistress Wife.

My Wife has, from time to time, made me fall on my knees in pure adoration and lust simply by entertaining the idea that she may, some year in the future, choose to divorce me and keep my as simply her slave. That scenario pushes the same buttons: I would be insecure, no longer legally joined with her as an equal in the eyes of the law, and totally dependent on her. I would not be her submissive husband, just her slaveboy, stripped of all rights.

Now, this is where someone goes ahead and sends me a link to husband abuse information, right? :-)

9 Comments:

At 9/25/06, 4:41 PM, Blogger saratoga said...

probably so- about sending you the link.

all interesting thoughts. I must say, having thought about this a lot as well, I don't totally imagine being insecure. I can live and enjoy the 'duality' of feeling both secure, on a longer-term basis, and insecure, in the moment.

I do understand your last scenario, and have considered that, as well. For me, it would seem that I had, perhaps, 'abused' myself, by giving Her that power. I wouldn't judge others for doing it, but I'm not sure I could go there. Not yet, anyway.

 
At 9/25/06, 7:02 PM, Blogger Mistress Laura's boy said...

Hi saratoga,

The feeling of insecurity is rooted in living in the shifting sands of knowing that I really have very little power to control the ship of my relationship and if Mistress Laura wanted to, she could take us in any number of directions.

At the same time, I feel good, loved, cherished, and owned and controlled. In that sense, I think I understand your notion of the duality of long-term security and moment-to-moment ambiguity/uncertainty.

 
At 9/25/06, 7:27 PM, Blogger slave2Catwoman said...

I believe that I am Ms. Catwoman's focus,and thatshe does love me. Still, I feel very jealous and insecure when she dates her other boy(s). I figure it is best to experience it to the hilt. Likely, some of the thrill for her is the fact that I am jealous and powerless. And I want her to enjoy her experiences to the fullest. I would much rather she rub my face in it, telling me every detail of her infidelity, than gloss over stuff in an effort to spare my feelings.

 
At 9/25/06, 8:33 PM, Blogger Mistress Laura's boy said...

Hi slave2catwoman,

Thanks for the comment. If I were in your situation, I believe I would want to know as well. If she glossed over things, I would be paranoid and my imagination would probably be worse than the reality.

 
At 9/25/06, 8:35 PM, Blogger helpmate hubby said...

I know what you mean about it being a total turn on but a sorce of great worry. Maybe we will go on this journey together and see how it comes out.

 
At 9/26/06, 6:47 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9/28/06, 8:49 AM, Blogger Jamie said...

It's funny how truths and realities can intertwine. While I really enjoyed your assessment of this dynamic and how it might work in your life, it certainly is very far from the reality that I'm living, or likly to any time soon.

And then you go and say something like The bottom line is: Her control makes me happy. Even if I am frustrated in that moment.

That and the preceding paragraph sum up that's going on for me totally perfectly. Thanks for putting it so clearly.

And in that context, the idea of cuckholding becomes much more understandable to me. I guess we all have comfort zones, and then areas where we get (constructively) pushed out of our comfort zone. But emotional fulfillment versus emotional pain would seem a counterintuitive place for me to take this. I'm in my relationship for emotional fulfillment, as is my beloved. And while I have enjoyed physical pain (an oxymoron there?) in the past, I can't figure out how I'd "enjoy" emotional pain (no endorphins involved!)

There's probably a difference between seeking, acknowledging, and being consensual about emotional pain, and unconsciously manipulating oneself into situatons where that kind of pain happens. The first is the product of an examined life. The second really does bring the word "victim" to mind.

Thanks for an insightful post about hard stuff.

(deleted and reposted since Blogger mangled the first one)

 
At 5/16/07, 4:21 PM, Blogger The DarkMaster said...

I've been aware of and interested in bdsm since my early twenties.
I've been an active Dom for couples and women for nearly 10 years now.
I was familiar with the fantasy of sharing one's wife when I first had
the opportunity to be the other man for a neighbor of mine. H e asked
me if I thought his wife was cute... or sexy... This line of
conversation took the three of us on a nearly year-long journey of
sexual adventure.
I'm very experienced introducing this lifestyle to wives/couples and
in helping them understand each others' motivations and needs in this
process.
I firmly believe that a beautiful, sexy woman should never be limited
to just one lover. The sexier she is - the more men should be able to
enjoy (safely), what nature blessed her with.

I also believe that 'slut' is a beautiful word - it was coined in an
age where a woman who showed any appreciation for - or enjoyment of -
sex, was branded a 'slut' ...and the label was very negative. In
today's age it's become accepted fact that women have sexual desires
as strong, if not stronger than men, but all too often, women allow
themsleves to be 'programmed' by society, religion, and family
beliefs, and deny themselves the pleasures of their own sexuality.

I am a Dom but I don't use labels like 'bi' or 'straight' as they
don't really apply in this lifestyle. Many husbands who have sucked
cock suddenly thought they must be gay.. or bi.. when in fact, they
are still straight... and expressing their submission, not a change in
orientation. I have enjoyed the mouth of a wimp hubby licking my cock
my balls and even my ass - especialy when his wife is getting off on
it! The sadist in me enjoys manipulating, punishing, teasing and/or
handling the mostly miniature toys between their legs.
I have a lot of experience helping couples learn about this lifestyle
and with 'convincing' hesitant spouses. Many of the couples on the web
were only wannabes before speaking to me. Done properly, this is a
lifestyle that will bring couples even closer and make a good
relationship even better.
I refer to the formation and continuation of my relationship with a
couple as 'training' them... If You/you are interested to learn more
about my methods for training cuckold couples continue reading.

it's all about applying some imagination....

Preparing her for me
I require the husband to help his wife get ready for their evening
with me.. or for her night out with me. I make it his job to trim her
curls as I like it done and to make sure she's perfectly smooth around
her pussy for me.
I teach him to use the head of his cock to make sure she's perfectly
smooth for me. Of course.. he can't enter her.. she's mine for the
night...
Dressing her for an evening out.
I want her pussy smooth so I can feel it while we're out.
I may ask her to open her legs while we're eating dinner together and
let others see the cute pussy I have to enjoy.
"See how nicely those gorgeous breasts are displayed for me? She
wouldn't wear this for her husband but he bought it".

Dressing her for an afternoon with me.
When she's my girlfriend, I want to see those pretty breasts all the
time and know that when she's not with me... men around her are free
to enjoy looking at them. This cami top is simple, semi-sheer, and
shows off her breasts and nipples like magic.

Others need to see and feel how sexy she is.
I share my dates with close friends and others at times as well.
It's always hot to be the first to train a wife for black cock as well.

Expanding her horizons.
By surrendering her body to me and being bound, her entire body
becomes an errogenous zone for me to lick, nibble, pinch and rub.

Cherished for being my slut.
Seeing their expression as they orgasm for the first time with their
breasts bound and pussy being lightly slapped is more rewarding than
the sex itself... and assures she'll want to offer more of herself to
me...

Still interested...? then continue to learn more about my methods for
training the submissive husband.

I enjoys hubby too

On my leash.
I like having hubby's cock on a leash. If not one like this, then a
simple one of rope or a harness with a dog leash will do. He must wear
it whenever I am in the house.

Constant ache for her.
I teach wives the most effective ways to keep you aroused without
relief for hours on end with a combination of their dress, physical
teasing and verbal teasing. I might even have her put a condom on you
to collect your eager drippings as proof of her teasing you for me...
and of your desire for her.

What's good for the goose is twice for the gander.
Often when I'm dating a wife... I and my friends become her primary
source of cock. Usually because you are too small, too wimpy - or
both. The only thing left to do with your penis and balls is tease and
torment them.

Punishment sucks .
I design my punishments around the person and their personality. I
might have your ass whipped and balls swatted by her while I watch
(which you might usually enjoy) but then leave you there, preventing
one of your greatest pleasures. Watching.

Donations glady accepted.
After making my deposit, I've not met the wife yet who didnt want
hubby down there, cleaning her up while we lay together.

Be a good boy for us.
She will be instructed to ride your face while your pantied penis
betrays your real feelings....

Now I'm inviting you to a new !Yahoo Group

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/couplestobeusedgroup/

 
At 8/4/11, 5:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Take care.

 

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