Tuesday, July 07, 2009

The erotic charge of relinquishing my will

Here are a few recent interactions between myself and Mistress Laura. Starting off with some fairly mundane ones:
We are discussing dinner plans.

Mistress Laura says “Let me know what you think, baby. I am thinking about going to our favourite Thai restaurant again.”

“Mistress, we've gone there so many times lately that I'm starting to get a bit tired of it. Can we go somewhere else?”

“Well, do you have something else to suggest?”

“How about Japanese?”

“Had that at lunch today.” She pauses, then declares “I decided. We are going to the Thai place.”

There's an instant of short lived disappointment, accompanied by a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and a warm tingling that starts to spread. “As you wish.” I stand up to get dressed so we can go. I have trouble zipping up my jeans because of the very rigid bulge.

The second episode, simpler and more compressed:
I am on the computer, working on something and somewhat absorbed.

“Thomas, come here.”

There's a second of irritation followed almost immediately by that tingling warmth and before I know it, I am headed toward Mistress's office to kneel and find out what she wants.

With respect to household chores, as I stated previously:
I hate scrubbing toilets. However, putting on the yellow gloves and kneeling down and scrubbing the toilet always gives me a rush, produces a very stiff hardon, and empties my mind, giving way to a feeling of calm and relaxation, in spite of (or perhaps because of) hating the task.
And of course, in the bedroom:
“You want to come tonight, baby?”

“Yes Ma'am!”

“How would you like to do it?”

“Inside you, Mistress.” I'm feeling greedy, but about one time in four, she does let me come like that.

“Hmmm... Not tonight, my boy. I want you to put on a condom so you don't make a mess, get on the ground on your stomach and hump the carpet. No hands, but I'll let you kiss my feet while you do it. I know you like that. And, if you beg nicely, I might let you come.”

I start humping the carpet and kissing her feet, feeling small. She is sitting on the bed, wearing a T-shirt and panties, with her bare feet on the ground, and I am licking and kissing her feet and humping the ground. Just comparing what I am doing as opposed to what I wished to be doing heightens the sense of embarrassment which makes me almost go over the edge. But I know better.

“Mistress, may I please come? I am very close. Please, Mistress?”

There's a long pause and I hold myself on the edge. “No, you may not. But seeing you doing that turned me on, baby. Come on up here and eat my pussy.”

And so, I am denied another orgasm, but the delicious humming tingly sexual feeling in my groin now spreads all around my body. I am in a trance as I climb onto the bed and help her out of her panties and start to kiss and lick her to an orgasm.

When I think about these types of interactions, I find it interesting that in almost all other areas of my life, I am very assertive and I get what I want, when I want it, but with my Mistress Wife, I delight in the opposite.

There is an inherent erotic charge from being told what to do and from subverting my own desires in order to please my lovely wife. There is an inherent and (and undeniable, considering my state of undress most of the time) erotic charge in being “forced” to do things that I don't necessarily enjoy because my Mistress wants me to do them.

In these moments, when I am simply following her desires, I don't even mind the missed opportunities for an orgasm; the heady space, the trance state that is like infatuation, but a hundred times more potent, is worth it. I really am here to serve and please her.


At 7/7/09, 7:09 PM, Anonymous mina said...

I think it's a common thread among submissives. Many have parts of their lives (like jobs) that give them full power. When they come home, they like being able to drop that power. Your submission to your Mistress is strong.It is nice to see. Mine is not as strong as yours, but really, it's because Sylvanus and myself have stepped back from a lot of D/s. Every once in awhile I want more, but then realize I'll just be a brat about it. lol. Plus, things are hard for Sylvanus at work. It drains him of his energy and he honestly comes home with barely any left to be a proper Dominant.

At 7/8/09, 10:05 AM, Blogger Woodlock22 said...

All day long I command people to do this and that. Some times when I get home I am in "command" mode, taking it out on the wife making her fulfill my sexual desires of the moment. Sometimes I just need to spank her ass until it fills the room with a bright crimson glow. I love hearing her whimpers and screams. But at other times when I get home, I don't give a shit about being in charge and just want her to make me do what she needs and wants. But she's not the type. She can't even see that role in our relationship. She is the sub and she can't imagine being anything else. So I live vicariously through you slave boy... and find it very arousing.

At 12/17/09, 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm assertive in every aspect of my life except when it comes to my relationship with my wife and her lovers. And there is usually the initial resistance followed by the feelings you describe so well. Ironically I've become a much better negotiator. I used to view negotiations from a dog-eat-dog perspective, especially when dealing with men. Now I'm far more persuasive/effective when dealing with others, because I'm no longer burdened by a fragile macho ego. The most difficult and embarrassing situation, by far, that I've ever experienced occurred when I complied with my wife's desire to watch me go down on one of her lovers. Now I believe/realize that personal pride is nothing more than a huge burden that sapped my energy and therefore limited my awareness,ability to enjoy life, and be free.


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