At home, practically every second of every day has been taken up with extra projects: moving rooms, cleaning closets, re-arranging the garage, making a new workout space. I have been doing these tasks in addition to all the housework which I do routinely: cooking, cleaning, laundry, driving Mistress Laura, and getting my kids to their various events.
In order to motivate me, Mistress teases me mercilessly as I go about my tasks (whenever possible, naked with her collar on) and she promises extra special duties and tasks when I finish large chunks of her To-Do list. One might think that this would be a submissive fantasy come true, but the emotions I feel while going through this are all over the map.
A few nights ago, on Monday night, after I had served dinner and cleaned up, Mistress set me up with the extra task of making a portion of a one of her work-related web sites functional. Since this is part of what I do at work, I thought to myself “No problem!” and set about the task. I was also happy to be given a break from the mostly physical labor I had been doing over the weekend.
On this evening, Mistress presented me with a list of functions she wanted to be operational and stated “If you get all of this working, I'm going to let you lick my pussy for a long time tonight.”
With the reward in front of me, and what looked like an easy task ahead, I set out to finish in record time. Oh how wrong I was.
By around 11PM (very late for me), I had hit some roadblocks, even as I had made huge progress. I had spent the last couple of hours being side-tracked by a minor misbehavior and had probably wasted some time.
Even so, I was still hopeful that Mistress would be lenient and allow me to get my reward (some fun time and play with her) and let me extend her deadline. Oh how wrong I was.
I instant-messaged her with my suggestion of extending the deadline and letting me have some fun and play. Her response to me, verbatim, was:
“No. No. I told you what was needed. You told me that you were trying to fix this minor annoying issue and it looks like you got side-tracked. I can't have that. You will continue to work on this. No. You don't get to change the deadline. I need this prototype up now. Keep working.”
To say that her response was disappointing to me misses the mark. My feelings were intense and varied. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I felt like crying. I got angry. I felt like just stopping, becoming depressed, and going to bed. I was so looking forward to some fun pussy-licking time with my Mistress Wife, and I had been working so hard.
“Yes Ma'am,”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath.
If I thought this out logically, there was nothing unreasonable in my Mistress holding me accountable and pushing me to produce results for her. In fact, if she had given in to my demand, it would only have taught me that her deadlines are just words and that my own sense of what was important (or interesting to fix) takes precedence over her stated outcomes.
I had no choice but to keep working. As the realization that I had no choice sank into my awareness, something interesting happened. First, I was acutely aware of how awful I felt: I was dead tired. Bleary eyed-tired. I felt frustrated and pushed. The lump in my throat was still there.
and...
There was an over-arching sense of peace. I was doing exactly what my Mistress wanted me to do. And slowly, I realized that it was what I wanted to do... What I needed to do. I chose this.
This realization brought with it a surge of energy and focus as I dropped my resistance and surrendered to what I was already doing. I was hit with inspirations and each of the technical problems fell by the wayside. At around 3AM, the job was done and I was able to check off all the requirements that my Mistress Wife had given me.
I slept for a few hours and I drove Mistress Laura to her work that morning. I walked her to her office and we talked a bit. I got to tell her that I had completed her task, and that I was very happy to have done it.
She told me:
“I never doubted that you would. I did feel badly about telling you "No", however.”
I assured her then, “You did the right thing, Mistress. I loved the fact that even though I felt like shit, I was disappointed and very frustrated, I kept going, because you said so.”
At that, she beamed, cupped my head in her hands, kissed me, and said “Good boy. You'll get your reward tonight.”
I did get my reward that night (Tuesday). I knelt by the bed and I buried my face between her glorious legs, licking and smelling and sucking while she told me I was a good boy. That was just icing on the cake, though. I had handled a personal obstacle. In a completely non-sexual context, I had gone past “I don't wanna!!!” and surrendered to Her judgment, her whim, her dictate. I was very proud of myself, kneeling there, licking and inhaling her sweet sweet juices.
I shudder to think of what I would have felt like if I had just given up.
7 comments:
I greatly enjoyed your post. I find I really like hearing about submissive who overcome their initial response for a more favorabale one.
You wrote: ...as I dropped my resistance and surrendered to what I was already doing...
That phrase says so much! I think that must be the hardest thing to do....drop one's resistance and just surrender to someone else's will.
It is a great fantasy. However, I suspect most people have a hard time when it comes to real life. You've been human your whole life, and presumably aware of your submissive nature for only a part of that lifetime.
I think it shows a progression or advancment in your submission. Maybe I'm not wording this right....it just seems to me that you did something in your surrendering that most submissives have a hard time doing.
This really isn't coming out quite right. My apologies. I just want to acknowledge what you did and show my appreciation for your act and for sharing it with the rest of us.
SeaDove
Good for you Thomas. It's easy to forget that there's more to D/s and power exchange than just fantastic episodes of fantasy bliss. There's nothing erotic about fighting computer problems and being dead tired does very little for submissive mindset. In the end though, your patience and dedication to your place (even if you weren't in the mood at the time) has made Laura very happy. Looking back over those passing moments you now can reflect on them making you a much wiser and happier submissive man in the end. Even if the mood isn't favourable, sometimes just doing as we're told and getting through it is the right thing to do.
Great post. Yes, I've experienced this as well. Sometimes while cooking dinner, or being called/emailed to have a dinner ready.
It's a great feeling, to be assisted by Mistress in pushing through a boundary, or a challenge, and realizing you want to please her, and she is aiding you by being so firm and unyielding.
I find it builds my trust, as she is so appreciative thereafter. A virtuous circle.
And builds reinforcement for my more constant feelings of submission to, and ownership by, her.
Another reason why I find local, in-person FemDom relationships to be so much more fulfilling for me than distance.
Hi SeaDove,
I understand what you are saying and thank you. Yes, I believe this is a deepening of my ability to let go and really just do her bidding.
It wasn't about me and my desires.
strongsubmissive, what's interesting is that the mood being "favourable" is entirely dependant on one's mindset.
There's nothing that "makes me" hate or love an activity that is not internal (my own beliefs and attitudes).
Best regards,
Thomas.
Hi Saratoga,
I wonder what would have happened if I had just given up, though.
Would that be the beginning of the end of my relationship? (of course, a retreat is not a surrender, but I know my own self-estimation would have suffered).
Good for thomas, this shows that your marriage is evolving beyond the point where you just have D/s play as a way to spice the marriage, but are truly heading toward a Female-led Relationship way of life. I think the sense of fulfillment and closeness with your Wife will just continue to get greater and stronger, in large part do to your physical and emotional resolve to submit to her will in manners such as you just described. Good job my fellow beta male!
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