Last Friday night, a few hours before we were going to bed, Mistress Laura handed me four clothespins and told me “One for each nipple, and one for each ball. Do it and have me inspect it.”
I clipped myself as ordered and she flicked each clothespin with her fingers to make sure they were on well enough, then she had me vacuum the guest bedroom and the hallway.
I don't know how many of you know what clothespins feel like. There is pain, of course, but as you go about doing other things, the pain starts to fade into the background, becoming subdued, more like a throbbing or a background hum. And as long as your don't jostle the clothespin, you can basically function.
After I was done with the vacuum, she had me come into the bedroom and fold laundry while she watched. Every once in a while, she would lean over and flick one of the clothespins, smiling at my winces. When the laundry was folded and put away, she had me kneel next to the bed.
“Slaveboy, you're going to be doing a bunch of cleaning this weekend. Starting with my office. Is there anything you need to do this weekend? Let me know so I can make time for it.”
“No Ma'am. I am completely at your service.”
“Great. Well, then,” She got a mischievous look on her face. “Lick my pussy. After I come, I'll remove your clothespins. Don't expect me to let you come this weekend, and no whining!”
“Yes Mistress.” I'm not sure how to explain it, but when Mistress tells me that she's not going to be letting me come for a few days, I actually "enjoy" it. It's a heady sensation and it feels a bit like falling and the base of my stomach tightens in anticipation of something and at the same time, I relax more into the role of slaveboy, her toy, to be used entirely for her pleasure. With these thoughts swimming in my head, I brought my mouth to her pussy.
After a few minutes of licking, Mistress grabbed my hair and smashed my mouth and nose into her pussy, her thighs pressed into the sides of my head, rubbing herself into me and convulsing into a shuddering orgasm. I inhaled deeply of her scent then, with my penis fully erect, precum dribbling from the tip. I am completely addicted to the scent and taste of Mistress Laura; it is a taste and smell that quite literally changes my state of mind, makes me weak in the knees and quite unable to resist anything she wants from me.
“Mmmm... Good boy.” she then grabbed my hard hard cock and gave it a squeeze and without warning, leaned over and detached the two clothespins on my balls, which made me scream in pain. The stinging sharp pain seemed to last for a long time, though it was probably only a few minutes.
“Ready for the nipples?”
“Uh. No, Ma'am.”
“Oh come on. No whining. Lay on the bed. I'll give you something to scream into.” And with that, she tossed me a pillow. I lay on my back, with the pillow over my face, and waited.
And waited. And waited some more. Then, I felt her feathery touch, her fingers dancing up and down my body, caressing the full length of my cock, lightly touching my balls, bringing gasps of pleasure from me, teasing me. This went on for a while, till I was nicely aroused and completely lost in sensation.
When she finally took the clothespins off my nipples, she did them without warning, in quick succession at almost the same time and then proceeded to massage and tweak my very sore nipples, and that hurt so much that I had to push my mouth into the pillow and keep screaming. When she finally stopped, I relaxed my body by effort of will, at which point she gently took the pillow from me and gave me a kiss on the lips.
“Mmmm... Good boy. Hurting you makes my cunt wet.”
After that, we went to bed. Her dressed in her pajamas, and me, naked, hurting, horny, sleeping right next to her.
She was true to her word that weekend. I ended up doing a lot of cooking and cleaning, more than usual, with almost constant teasing and little breaks to “come over here and kiss my feet” or “come massage my shoulders, boy.”
She used my mouth for orgasms every day, while making it clear that she would not let me have a release at all the entire weekend. With each orgasm she took, and with each “No, you may not!” my desire for her and my love for her grew. It's paradoxical, but such is the working of my mind.
Before she sent me to work on Tuesday, she had me kneel on the floor and kiss her feet and told me that she wanted me to continue to be in heat for her all week, and that she would probably let me have an orgasm next weekend, if I am a very very good slaveboy.
“How do I make sure I'm a very very good slaveboy?”
“Simple, baby,” she said, patting the top of my head and messing up my hair. ”Just obey quickly.“
So, that was labor day weekend. My nipples are still a tiny bit sore and she delights in tweaking them every once in a while.
This upcoming weekend she has a list of chores lined up for me, including some simple plumbing repairs. She also let me know that Susan will be visiting at some point and that I am to remain completely nude and subservient even during her visit.
I am a little bit apprehensive about this coming weekend, but mostly in a very submissive mood. Everytime I think about Mistress Laura, I get horny and feel like kneeling.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Hush, slaveboy.
Hi everyone. Mistress and I went on a few trips this last few weeks, which is why I've been out of contact save for a couple of short messages and tweets.
We took a few four-day weekends (sually Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday), staying at a hotel in Carmel and another one in Monterey a couple of times. The pattern for these outings is always the same.
I pick the venues and get Mistress's approval, then make the reservations ahead of time. The night before, we do our usual fun stuff (I cook, we eat dinner, watch TV, and then she has me go down on her to an orgasm before she goes to bed).
I pack the car while she sleeps and then join her in bed. I set my alarm to wake me up an hour before we leave so I can wake her with a foot massage and breakfast. Then I make the bed and clean the house a bit more before we take off so that she can come home to a clean house.
When we get to our hotel, I deal with the front lobby and get two sets of room key cards. I deliver one key card to her and I take everything up to the room while she waits somewhere comfortable, usually with a paperback she is reading, then I unpack and put everything out in the room the way she likes it. When everything is set (about 20 minutes), I strip and kneel in the middle of the room and text-message her so she can come up.
When she enters the hotel room, it's the way she has told me to set everything up (all her clothes hung up or put in the drawers, her toys in the bedstand, etc.) Then, we go about relaxing, or rather, I just do whatever I am told, which is truly joyous to me, and very relaxing for her.
Our last trip was a couple of weekends ago and we got back into town last Wednesday. On Thursday and Friday, I was something of a pain in the ass, arguing with Mistress Laura about some pretty trivial stuff. I don't even really know why.
On Friday, when I got back home from work, and went to kneel naked in her office, she turned to me and said:
“My boy, I think you are talking back too much and I want to have a fun weekend this weekend. So, this whole weekend, you are to not speak until I give you permission again. When you need an answer, get your point across by hand signals, and if you can't, write it down.”
I started to say “Yes, Ma'am” and then stopped myself, just nodding.
So, Friday and the whole weekend, my Mistress wife did not speak to me except to tell me what to do. The hours were filled with silence. She even turned off the ringers on the phones, put our cell phones on silent mode, and did not turn on the TV or radio.
She directed me to cook, to clean, and to generally perform the tasks I normally would. The whole time, she relaxed, did paperwork from time to time, read her paperbacks, or just lounged or napped.
After about a day and a half, the silence started to seep into me; to make my own internal dialogue start to quiet down. At the same time, I felt more in tune with Mistress.
Sunday night, after Mistress Laura let me lick her pussy, when she was completely satisfied, she had me kneel at the foot of the bed and put a condom on. Then she sat at the edge of the bed and had me kiss her feet.
“It's been a few weeks since I let you come. Would you like to come for me?”
I nodded.
“Hump the ground, slaveboy. No hands. Make yourself come for me.”
I did as I was told, kissing her feet at the same time. I'm certain I looked completely ridiculous. When I came, she finally said “You may speak again.”
“Thank you, Mistress.”
This period of silence did something interesting to my state of mind. I'm now slightly calmer in the background of my mind and have an interesting experience of myself as separate from my thoughts. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone, but that is what it is.
We took a few four-day weekends (sually Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday), staying at a hotel in Carmel and another one in Monterey a couple of times. The pattern for these outings is always the same.
I pick the venues and get Mistress's approval, then make the reservations ahead of time. The night before, we do our usual fun stuff (I cook, we eat dinner, watch TV, and then she has me go down on her to an orgasm before she goes to bed).
I pack the car while she sleeps and then join her in bed. I set my alarm to wake me up an hour before we leave so I can wake her with a foot massage and breakfast. Then I make the bed and clean the house a bit more before we take off so that she can come home to a clean house.
When we get to our hotel, I deal with the front lobby and get two sets of room key cards. I deliver one key card to her and I take everything up to the room while she waits somewhere comfortable, usually with a paperback she is reading, then I unpack and put everything out in the room the way she likes it. When everything is set (about 20 minutes), I strip and kneel in the middle of the room and text-message her so she can come up.
When she enters the hotel room, it's the way she has told me to set everything up (all her clothes hung up or put in the drawers, her toys in the bedstand, etc.) Then, we go about relaxing, or rather, I just do whatever I am told, which is truly joyous to me, and very relaxing for her.
Our last trip was a couple of weekends ago and we got back into town last Wednesday. On Thursday and Friday, I was something of a pain in the ass, arguing with Mistress Laura about some pretty trivial stuff. I don't even really know why.
On Friday, when I got back home from work, and went to kneel naked in her office, she turned to me and said:
“My boy, I think you are talking back too much and I want to have a fun weekend this weekend. So, this whole weekend, you are to not speak until I give you permission again. When you need an answer, get your point across by hand signals, and if you can't, write it down.”
I started to say “Yes, Ma'am” and then stopped myself, just nodding.
So, Friday and the whole weekend, my Mistress wife did not speak to me except to tell me what to do. The hours were filled with silence. She even turned off the ringers on the phones, put our cell phones on silent mode, and did not turn on the TV or radio.
She directed me to cook, to clean, and to generally perform the tasks I normally would. The whole time, she relaxed, did paperwork from time to time, read her paperbacks, or just lounged or napped.
After about a day and a half, the silence started to seep into me; to make my own internal dialogue start to quiet down. At the same time, I felt more in tune with Mistress.
Sunday night, after Mistress Laura let me lick her pussy, when she was completely satisfied, she had me kneel at the foot of the bed and put a condom on. Then she sat at the edge of the bed and had me kiss her feet.
“It's been a few weeks since I let you come. Would you like to come for me?”
I nodded.
“Hump the ground, slaveboy. No hands. Make yourself come for me.”
I did as I was told, kissing her feet at the same time. I'm certain I looked completely ridiculous. When I came, she finally said “You may speak again.”
“Thank you, Mistress.”
This period of silence did something interesting to my state of mind. I'm now slightly calmer in the background of my mind and have an interesting experience of myself as separate from my thoughts. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone, but that is what it is.
Monday, July 13, 2009
A new kink
A short post for now while I work on a longer post. Over the last few days, Mistress Laura has discovered a new kink of mine.
She knows German and a couple of other languages, and for fun, she started talking to me in German, which I don't understand except for a few words.
The emotional effect on me was somewhat surprising! I was so turned on.
She has to repeat her phrases several times to get simple commands across to me, but I am slowly starting to learn, at least enough to be ordered around in German.
Do any of you have any similar experiences?
She knows German and a couple of other languages, and for fun, she started talking to me in German, which I don't understand except for a few words.
The emotional effect on me was somewhat surprising! I was so turned on.
She has to repeat her phrases several times to get simple commands across to me, but I am slowly starting to learn, at least enough to be ordered around in German.
Do any of you have any similar experiences?
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
The erotic charge of relinquishing my will
Here are a few recent interactions between myself and Mistress Laura. Starting off with some fairly mundane ones:
The second episode, simpler and more compressed:
With respect to household chores, as I stated previously:
When I think about these types of interactions, I find it interesting that in almost all other areas of my life, I am very assertive and I get what I want, when I want it, but with my Mistress Wife, I delight in the opposite.
There is an inherent erotic charge from being told what to do and from subverting my own desires in order to please my lovely wife. There is an inherent and (and undeniable, considering my state of undress most of the time) erotic charge in being “forced” to do things that I don't necessarily enjoy because my Mistress wants me to do them.
In these moments, when I am simply following her desires, I don't even mind the missed opportunities for an orgasm; the heady space, the trance state that is like infatuation, but a hundred times more potent, is worth it. I really am here to serve and please her.
We are discussing dinner plans.
Mistress Laura says “Let me know what you think, baby. I am thinking about going to our favourite Thai restaurant again.”
“Mistress, we've gone there so many times lately that I'm starting to get a bit tired of it. Can we go somewhere else?”
“Well, do you have something else to suggest?”
“How about Japanese?”
“Had that at lunch today.” She pauses, then declares “I decided. We are going to the Thai place.”
There's an instant of short lived disappointment, accompanied by a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and a warm tingling that starts to spread. “As you wish.” I stand up to get dressed so we can go. I have trouble zipping up my jeans because of the very rigid bulge.
The second episode, simpler and more compressed:
I am on the computer, working on something and somewhat absorbed.
“Thomas, come here.”
There's a second of irritation followed almost immediately by that tingling warmth and before I know it, I am headed toward Mistress's office to kneel and find out what she wants.
With respect to household chores, as I stated previously:
I hate scrubbing toilets. However, putting on the yellow gloves and kneeling down and scrubbing the toilet always gives me a rush, produces a very stiff hardon, and empties my mind, giving way to a feeling of calm and relaxation, in spite of (or perhaps because of) hating the task.And of course, in the bedroom:
“You want to come tonight, baby?”
“Yes Ma'am!”
“How would you like to do it?”
“Inside you, Mistress.” I'm feeling greedy, but about one time in four, she does let me come like that.
“Hmmm... Not tonight, my boy. I want you to put on a condom so you don't make a mess, get on the ground on your stomach and hump the carpet. No hands, but I'll let you kiss my feet while you do it. I know you like that. And, if you beg nicely, I might let you come.”
I start humping the carpet and kissing her feet, feeling small. She is sitting on the bed, wearing a T-shirt and panties, with her bare feet on the ground, and I am licking and kissing her feet and humping the ground. Just comparing what I am doing as opposed to what I wished to be doing heightens the sense of embarrassment which makes me almost go over the edge. But I know better.
“Mistress, may I please come? I am very close. Please, Mistress?”
There's a long pause and I hold myself on the edge. “No, you may not. But seeing you doing that turned me on, baby. Come on up here and eat my pussy.”
And so, I am denied another orgasm, but the delicious humming tingly sexual feeling in my groin now spreads all around my body. I am in a trance as I climb onto the bed and help her out of her panties and start to kiss and lick her to an orgasm.
When I think about these types of interactions, I find it interesting that in almost all other areas of my life, I am very assertive and I get what I want, when I want it, but with my Mistress Wife, I delight in the opposite.
There is an inherent erotic charge from being told what to do and from subverting my own desires in order to please my lovely wife. There is an inherent and (and undeniable, considering my state of undress most of the time) erotic charge in being “forced” to do things that I don't necessarily enjoy because my Mistress wants me to do them.
In these moments, when I am simply following her desires, I don't even mind the missed opportunities for an orgasm; the heady space, the trance state that is like infatuation, but a hundred times more potent, is worth it. I really am here to serve and please her.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Happy 4th of July: lots of domestic and personal service
Yesterday was a day off of work for me. This meant that I got to get up early, do my Friday workout, shower and shave and then get my Mistress her breakfast. Afterwards, she told me to put on my high heels and frilly apron and come back and kneel at her feet.
I put on the black high heels and the apron (it's a black and white pattern that evokes images of a maidservant) and tied it in the back, all the while getting a hardon. Then I went back into Mistress Laura's office and knelt.
She then gave me a list of chores to do, had me kiss her feet, and left for an appointment for a few hours.
I spent a few blissful hours vacuuming, doing laundry, and scrubbing toilets. Well, actually, my feelings are more complicated than that simple description. For example, I hate scrubbing toilets. However, putting on the yellow gloves and kneeling down and scrubbing the toilet always gives me a rush, produces a very stiff hardon, and empties my mind, giving way to a feeling of calm and relaxation, in spite of (or perhaps because of) hating the task.
I was basically done with my chores when Mistress came back home again. She inspected my work and was pleased, and told me to put my cleaning uniform away and take a little break while she caught up on some paperwork and Emails in her office. At that point, I started to catch up on some blog reading and posting, but a text message interrupted me about fifteen minutes into it.
“Come to my office. -ML”
I left the computer and went to kneel at her feet.
“I feel like having an orgasm. I'll probably let you have one later this long weekend, but not now.”
“Yes, Mistress.”
And with that, she led the way into the bedroom, got comfortable on the bed, and let me start by massaging and licking her feet. I was once again hard as a rock. She gave instructions when she wanted me to change something about what I was doing (“slower, go soft there... that's right...”) and managed to have a nice toe-curling full-body orgasmic release.
“Good boy. Now come here and cuddle me for a bit, before I send you to do some grocery shopping.”
While cuddling, she grabbed her slaveboy's hard hard cock, wrapping her fingers around it at the base of the shaft and gave me a soft kiss on the lips, telling me “I like that you are almost always hard around me and are so eager to please me.”
After a few more minutes, she sent me shopping. When I returned, the rest of the evening was spent watching TV (me sitting naked at my Mistress's feet while she relaxed on the recliner).
When we were ready to sleep for the night, my Lady told me “I'm going to want you to lick and kiss and massage my feet tomorrow morning to wake me up around 8AM. I might even use your mouth and tongue to come again, so be ready.” So, when I shaved again before bed, I made sure to do a very good job.
In bed next to Mistress Laura, I set my alarm for 7:55 and it took me a long time to drift to sleep.
This morning, when my alarm went off, I began my morning by slowly getting out of bed on my side of the bed, moving over to the other side and kneeling down and massaging and kissing my Mistress's beautiful feet. She moaned as she woke up a little bit, and I kissed and licked up her legs, up to around her knees, at which point she grabbed my hair and pulled and pushed by mouth into her pussy. Her smell was intoxicating and I was so hard and excited; there was precum oozing and my heart was beating in a way that I could feel it in my ears and my mouth and tongue were working on automatic.
I felt like an animal, and for just a second, I thought to myself that I could easily pin my Mistress to the bed and push my cock inside her wet pussy, but just as I was thinking this, she pulled my hair and pushed her thighs together around my ears and arched her back and my focus was totally on her, there was nothing but Her in the Universe for an instant; She was my Universe in that moment. I could feel the waves of tension and relaxation and she came nicely, accompanied by some loud guttural sounds that made my heart swell with good feelings.
We lay there for a few minutes then, breathing together.
“Good boy. I think you are getting a little bit better at that.”
That comment made me feel so good at that moment, it's hard to put into words. I get squeaky eyed when I recall it.
“Okay, my boy. I want you to cook me breakfast next: Toasted English muffin, two sausage links, two eggs sunny side up.”
I disentangled myself and prepared and served her breakfast, while she read the news on her iPhone and watched TV in bed.
Since then, we've just been relaxing. we have no plans to watch fireworks later, just taking it easy. I'm happy. She tells me that she's planning to do my attitude adjustment session with the cane later tonight or maybe tomorrow.
Life is good. Here's to hoping that your 4th of July is an enjoyable one too.
I put on the black high heels and the apron (it's a black and white pattern that evokes images of a maidservant) and tied it in the back, all the while getting a hardon. Then I went back into Mistress Laura's office and knelt.
She then gave me a list of chores to do, had me kiss her feet, and left for an appointment for a few hours.
I spent a few blissful hours vacuuming, doing laundry, and scrubbing toilets. Well, actually, my feelings are more complicated than that simple description. For example, I hate scrubbing toilets. However, putting on the yellow gloves and kneeling down and scrubbing the toilet always gives me a rush, produces a very stiff hardon, and empties my mind, giving way to a feeling of calm and relaxation, in spite of (or perhaps because of) hating the task.
I was basically done with my chores when Mistress came back home again. She inspected my work and was pleased, and told me to put my cleaning uniform away and take a little break while she caught up on some paperwork and Emails in her office. At that point, I started to catch up on some blog reading and posting, but a text message interrupted me about fifteen minutes into it.
“Come to my office. -ML”
I left the computer and went to kneel at her feet.
“I feel like having an orgasm. I'll probably let you have one later this long weekend, but not now.”
“Yes, Mistress.”
And with that, she led the way into the bedroom, got comfortable on the bed, and let me start by massaging and licking her feet. I was once again hard as a rock. She gave instructions when she wanted me to change something about what I was doing (“slower, go soft there... that's right...”) and managed to have a nice toe-curling full-body orgasmic release.
“Good boy. Now come here and cuddle me for a bit, before I send you to do some grocery shopping.”
While cuddling, she grabbed her slaveboy's hard hard cock, wrapping her fingers around it at the base of the shaft and gave me a soft kiss on the lips, telling me “I like that you are almost always hard around me and are so eager to please me.”
After a few more minutes, she sent me shopping. When I returned, the rest of the evening was spent watching TV (me sitting naked at my Mistress's feet while she relaxed on the recliner).
When we were ready to sleep for the night, my Lady told me “I'm going to want you to lick and kiss and massage my feet tomorrow morning to wake me up around 8AM. I might even use your mouth and tongue to come again, so be ready.” So, when I shaved again before bed, I made sure to do a very good job.
In bed next to Mistress Laura, I set my alarm for 7:55 and it took me a long time to drift to sleep.
This morning, when my alarm went off, I began my morning by slowly getting out of bed on my side of the bed, moving over to the other side and kneeling down and massaging and kissing my Mistress's beautiful feet. She moaned as she woke up a little bit, and I kissed and licked up her legs, up to around her knees, at which point she grabbed my hair and pulled and pushed by mouth into her pussy. Her smell was intoxicating and I was so hard and excited; there was precum oozing and my heart was beating in a way that I could feel it in my ears and my mouth and tongue were working on automatic.
I felt like an animal, and for just a second, I thought to myself that I could easily pin my Mistress to the bed and push my cock inside her wet pussy, but just as I was thinking this, she pulled my hair and pushed her thighs together around my ears and arched her back and my focus was totally on her, there was nothing but Her in the Universe for an instant; She was my Universe in that moment. I could feel the waves of tension and relaxation and she came nicely, accompanied by some loud guttural sounds that made my heart swell with good feelings.
We lay there for a few minutes then, breathing together.
“Good boy. I think you are getting a little bit better at that.”
That comment made me feel so good at that moment, it's hard to put into words. I get squeaky eyed when I recall it.
“Okay, my boy. I want you to cook me breakfast next: Toasted English muffin, two sausage links, two eggs sunny side up.”
I disentangled myself and prepared and served her breakfast, while she read the news on her iPhone and watched TV in bed.
Since then, we've just been relaxing. we have no plans to watch fireworks later, just taking it easy. I'm happy. She tells me that she's planning to do my attitude adjustment session with the cane later tonight or maybe tomorrow.
Life is good. Here's to hoping that your 4th of July is an enjoyable one too.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Nakedness, hairlessness, humiliation and power
I love my Mistress Wife, but I am also completely infatuated and obsessed with her and want to please her desperately. There is a deliberate and continual process of enhancing desire and enforcing powerlessness and subtle and not so subtle humiliation that goes into creating and maintaining my state of mind.
Early in our relationship, when my Mistress Wife took the reins, she set up a few rules:
Nakedness - Whenever we are alone, unless she otherwise specifies, I am to be completely nude. This by itself has a very interesting psychological effect on me. Enforced nudeness is a direct reminder that I have no personal boundaries and that my body is not fully my own.
The first thing I do when I get home from work is to quickly undress and go and find Mistress (usually in her office) and kneel quietly at her feet and wait for her to address me. Sometimes I wait a few minutes while she finishes something else, the whole time aware of the fact that I am here to please her and that it is my proper place to kneel here, naked, while she completes an Email or finishes a phone call. My heart beats fast and my cock comes to full attention most of the time before she even turns around and tells me to kiss her feet.
Smoothness/shaving - I shave everywhere at least twice a day. Once in the morning when I wake up, and once in the afternoon before I head back home. And every time I shave, I remember all the little things that Mistress Laura has told me about shaving my hair off for her.
As I shave my face, I hear her voice in my head, telling me “I want your face and lips to be completely smooth for me. Baby smooth. So if I let you kiss me or lick my pussy, I'm completely enjoying it...”
And when I shave my body, I remember her saying things like “I prefer a boy who is all smooth and soft for me... Even your cock and balls... I want it all smooth, do you understand, my little boy?” And the act of shaving makes me focus on her, and on her pleasure and my cock gets hard sometimes just as I turn on the shaver. A constantly re-inforced Pavlovian response.
In this enforced state of hairlessness, as in the requirement to be nude in her presence, the inequality is part of the thrill. Mistress is almost always clothed. And while requiring that I shave off all my hair, most of the time she has a full covering of hair down there (and I love the smell and look and taste of it when she puts my mouth and tongue to work). She gets to do as she pleases, and I get to do as she commands.
For me, these two standing orders seems to be symbolically about removing barriers and reiterating the notion that what she says about my body is The Law. In fact, recently, she has told me that I may not even get a haircut without her permission.
Humiliation - This one comes in many forms.
Denial and orgasm control is part of it. She often teases me for a few days, using my tongue to give herself an orgasm while denying me a release. She then tells me to beg, making me kiss and lick her feet while begging for release, and more often than not, simply says “No.”
She often has me dress in a frilly apron while doing housework so that she can tease me about being such a good little maid for her. This makes me feel embarrassed and also weak in the knees.
Sexually, it's all been about humiliation lately. Recently she had me lay on the floor, with clothespins on my nipples and balls, while she put a realistic looking dildo in my mouth and told me to “suck that cock, and don't even think about coming till I tell you to, you cock sucker.” as I painfully stroked my very hard cock using a small pair of girl panties. When she finally permit me to come, she took the dildo out of my mouth and made me beg for her to remove the clothespins, which she did, one by one, causing me pain (she tells me my pain makes her cunt twitch), and then finished by ordering me to kiss her feet and telling me to wear the wet little girl panties for the rest of the evening.
Objectively looking at this scene, I should not even be in the least bit aroused by it, but I was very much aroused, by the helplessness, by the fact that I had to wait to be allowed to come, and that even then, even while allowing me a release, she was enjoying inflicting pain on me and that I wanted her to, because it pleased her.
The power imbalance, the helplessness, the lack of boundaries are very much tied into the desperate and insatiable erotic charge and the control that she has on me. I am completely smitten by her.
What do you all think? Especially if you are experienced in FemDom dynamics, what is part of the thrill for you?
P.S. I set up a Twitter account recently. Feel free to follow me.
Early in our relationship, when my Mistress Wife took the reins, she set up a few rules:
Nakedness - Whenever we are alone, unless she otherwise specifies, I am to be completely nude. This by itself has a very interesting psychological effect on me. Enforced nudeness is a direct reminder that I have no personal boundaries and that my body is not fully my own.
The first thing I do when I get home from work is to quickly undress and go and find Mistress (usually in her office) and kneel quietly at her feet and wait for her to address me. Sometimes I wait a few minutes while she finishes something else, the whole time aware of the fact that I am here to please her and that it is my proper place to kneel here, naked, while she completes an Email or finishes a phone call. My heart beats fast and my cock comes to full attention most of the time before she even turns around and tells me to kiss her feet.
Smoothness/shaving - I shave everywhere at least twice a day. Once in the morning when I wake up, and once in the afternoon before I head back home. And every time I shave, I remember all the little things that Mistress Laura has told me about shaving my hair off for her.
As I shave my face, I hear her voice in my head, telling me “I want your face and lips to be completely smooth for me. Baby smooth. So if I let you kiss me or lick my pussy, I'm completely enjoying it...”
And when I shave my body, I remember her saying things like “I prefer a boy who is all smooth and soft for me... Even your cock and balls... I want it all smooth, do you understand, my little boy?” And the act of shaving makes me focus on her, and on her pleasure and my cock gets hard sometimes just as I turn on the shaver. A constantly re-inforced Pavlovian response.
In this enforced state of hairlessness, as in the requirement to be nude in her presence, the inequality is part of the thrill. Mistress is almost always clothed. And while requiring that I shave off all my hair, most of the time she has a full covering of hair down there (and I love the smell and look and taste of it when she puts my mouth and tongue to work). She gets to do as she pleases, and I get to do as she commands.
For me, these two standing orders seems to be symbolically about removing barriers and reiterating the notion that what she says about my body is The Law. In fact, recently, she has told me that I may not even get a haircut without her permission.
Humiliation - This one comes in many forms.
Denial and orgasm control is part of it. She often teases me for a few days, using my tongue to give herself an orgasm while denying me a release. She then tells me to beg, making me kiss and lick her feet while begging for release, and more often than not, simply says “No.”
She often has me dress in a frilly apron while doing housework so that she can tease me about being such a good little maid for her. This makes me feel embarrassed and also weak in the knees.
Sexually, it's all been about humiliation lately. Recently she had me lay on the floor, with clothespins on my nipples and balls, while she put a realistic looking dildo in my mouth and told me to “suck that cock, and don't even think about coming till I tell you to, you cock sucker.” as I painfully stroked my very hard cock using a small pair of girl panties. When she finally permit me to come, she took the dildo out of my mouth and made me beg for her to remove the clothespins, which she did, one by one, causing me pain (she tells me my pain makes her cunt twitch), and then finished by ordering me to kiss her feet and telling me to wear the wet little girl panties for the rest of the evening.
Objectively looking at this scene, I should not even be in the least bit aroused by it, but I was very much aroused, by the helplessness, by the fact that I had to wait to be allowed to come, and that even then, even while allowing me a release, she was enjoying inflicting pain on me and that I wanted her to, because it pleased her.
The power imbalance, the helplessness, the lack of boundaries are very much tied into the desperate and insatiable erotic charge and the control that she has on me. I am completely smitten by her.
What do you all think? Especially if you are experienced in FemDom dynamics, what is part of the thrill for you?
P.S. I set up a Twitter account recently. Feel free to follow me.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Bruce Willis in love
I found this news article and the corresponding photo shoot incredibly erotic.
The article is here: I believe in love again, says Bruce Willis - but this steamy S&M photoshoot with new wife Emma Heming is an odd way of showing it.
What do you all think?
The article is here: I believe in love again, says Bruce Willis - but this steamy S&M photoshoot with new wife Emma Heming is an odd way of showing it.
What do you all think?
Monday, April 20, 2009
Followup on going a little bit crazy...
It's been a few weeks since my last post. I did not mean to be away from writing this long, but Mistress has been working me very hard (domestically and sexually) and my schedule has been rather full.
As I mentioned in my previous post, Mistress Laura has had a full complement of housework and spring cleaning for me to accomplish, in addition to my normal house chores (cooking and cleaning) on top of my job and my workout schedule.
Most nights, even though I am tired, Mistress has had me kneel by the bed and kiss and massage her feet. About half the time, she allows this to progress to my kissing and licking her legs, tickling the backs of her knees, maybe even using me to lick and clean her asshole (an activity which I love), and then lick her pussy. She has an orgasm or two and rarely allows me to come.
About a week ago, after she had had a couple of orgasms, I mentioned that it would be be great if she would let me come too.
“Oh really? Be careful what you ask for, slaveboy. I feel like being entertained.”
She handed me a condom and told me to put it on. I was hopeful that this might mean she was considering letting me fuck her. No such luck.
She then reached into her nightstand drawer, pulled out a handful of clothespins and had me kneel by the side of the bed while she attached them to my balls. Three on each sac. The pain was sharp and slowly building.
“Now, my boy, kiss my feet and while you are kissing my feet, you may masturbate. If you don't come in two minutes, you won't be allowed to come at all this time. And you still have to ask permission. I may not give it, but I probably will.”
So, I went down to the ground, my face planted on her feet, my lips kissing her feet and toes, my ass in the air, trying to pump the shaft of my cock with my hand without jostling the clothespins on my balls too much. All the while, Mistress Laura was laughing and making comments like “Nice ass. Those are my balls and I can hurt them if I want, isn't that so, Thomas?”
I don't know if you can imagine my headspace; I am naked, trying to kiss my wife's feet and masturbate, while she laughs and jokes and tells me that I only have a minute left.
I got myself close and started asking “Mistress, may I come please?”
She just remained cruelly silent.
“Oh please, may I come? May I please come? Oh please? Please please please? Oh my Lady, may I please come?”
“Yes my boy. Come for me NOW, but don't be taking any of the clothespins off.”
So I managed to come inside the condom, grunting and saying “Thank you Mistress. Thank you...” over and over.
She then had me clean up and get on the bed and lie down on my back. We then watched some TV while the clothespins were still attached to my balls. If you've never had this experience, what happens after a while is that there is a sort of numbness as the body gets used to the constant pain and you can almost forget that there are clothespins attached to you.
After about twenty minutes, she said “Ready?” she positioned her hand to yank off a few of the clothespins, then leaned down and kissed me on the mouth while she removed the three clothespins attached to my left ball-sac with a swift yanking motion. I screamed in pain in her mouth and tears came to my eyes.
“Good boy. Now one more set, unless you want a break?”
“Oh no Mistress. Please. It's hurting and throbbing now a lot. Please take the rest off, Ma'am.”
She kissed me again and yanked the second set off. This time, I managed not to scream, but tears streamed down my cheeks from the pain. She wiped the tears away, and said “Good boy. Now go rinse off in the shower and come to bed.”
I haven't come since then, and she has come several more times.
The way she let me orgasm that night did nothing to calm down my sexual hunger. I am still constantly horny, and I get an erection whenever she makes me kneel or orders me to do anything.
So, that's the followup. I will write more later.
As I mentioned in my previous post, Mistress Laura has had a full complement of housework and spring cleaning for me to accomplish, in addition to my normal house chores (cooking and cleaning) on top of my job and my workout schedule.
Most nights, even though I am tired, Mistress has had me kneel by the bed and kiss and massage her feet. About half the time, she allows this to progress to my kissing and licking her legs, tickling the backs of her knees, maybe even using me to lick and clean her asshole (an activity which I love), and then lick her pussy. She has an orgasm or two and rarely allows me to come.
About a week ago, after she had had a couple of orgasms, I mentioned that it would be be great if she would let me come too.
“Oh really? Be careful what you ask for, slaveboy. I feel like being entertained.”
She handed me a condom and told me to put it on. I was hopeful that this might mean she was considering letting me fuck her. No such luck.
She then reached into her nightstand drawer, pulled out a handful of clothespins and had me kneel by the side of the bed while she attached them to my balls. Three on each sac. The pain was sharp and slowly building.
“Now, my boy, kiss my feet and while you are kissing my feet, you may masturbate. If you don't come in two minutes, you won't be allowed to come at all this time. And you still have to ask permission. I may not give it, but I probably will.”
So, I went down to the ground, my face planted on her feet, my lips kissing her feet and toes, my ass in the air, trying to pump the shaft of my cock with my hand without jostling the clothespins on my balls too much. All the while, Mistress Laura was laughing and making comments like “Nice ass. Those are my balls and I can hurt them if I want, isn't that so, Thomas?”
I don't know if you can imagine my headspace; I am naked, trying to kiss my wife's feet and masturbate, while she laughs and jokes and tells me that I only have a minute left.
I got myself close and started asking “Mistress, may I come please?”
She just remained cruelly silent.
“Oh please, may I come? May I please come? Oh please? Please please please? Oh my Lady, may I please come?”
“Yes my boy. Come for me NOW, but don't be taking any of the clothespins off.”
So I managed to come inside the condom, grunting and saying “Thank you Mistress. Thank you...” over and over.
She then had me clean up and get on the bed and lie down on my back. We then watched some TV while the clothespins were still attached to my balls. If you've never had this experience, what happens after a while is that there is a sort of numbness as the body gets used to the constant pain and you can almost forget that there are clothespins attached to you.
After about twenty minutes, she said “Ready?” she positioned her hand to yank off a few of the clothespins, then leaned down and kissed me on the mouth while she removed the three clothespins attached to my left ball-sac with a swift yanking motion. I screamed in pain in her mouth and tears came to my eyes.
“Good boy. Now one more set, unless you want a break?”
“Oh no Mistress. Please. It's hurting and throbbing now a lot. Please take the rest off, Ma'am.”
She kissed me again and yanked the second set off. This time, I managed not to scream, but tears streamed down my cheeks from the pain. She wiped the tears away, and said “Good boy. Now go rinse off in the shower and come to bed.”
I haven't come since then, and she has come several more times.
The way she let me orgasm that night did nothing to calm down my sexual hunger. I am still constantly horny, and I get an erection whenever she makes me kneel or orders me to do anything.
So, that's the followup. I will write more later.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Going a little bit crazy
It has now been a couple of weeks since Mistress has allowed me to come.
I'm not exactly complaining, but even the least little bit of attention from her causes me to walk around for half an hour with a full on erection.
And yet, almost every other night, she has ordered me to lick her till I feel her pussy muscles clench and her back tighten and the smell and taste of her juices on my face, using me for a mind blowing orgasm.
She tells me that she has a lot of spring cleaning planned and that I will be doing a lot of housework this weekend. Maybe this is just her way of making sure that all my attention and willingness is on doing exactly what she orders me to do this weekend?
I confess, though, that every time she gets herself off and leaves me wanting, even in the midst of my sexual frustration, all I want to do is sink to the floor and kiss her feet, telling her how much I love her and worship her.
I'm not exactly complaining, but even the least little bit of attention from her causes me to walk around for half an hour with a full on erection.
And yet, almost every other night, she has ordered me to lick her till I feel her pussy muscles clench and her back tighten and the smell and taste of her juices on my face, using me for a mind blowing orgasm.
She tells me that she has a lot of spring cleaning planned and that I will be doing a lot of housework this weekend. Maybe this is just her way of making sure that all my attention and willingness is on doing exactly what she orders me to do this weekend?
I confess, though, that every time she gets herself off and leaves me wanting, even in the midst of my sexual frustration, all I want to do is sink to the floor and kiss her feet, telling her how much I love her and worship her.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Unexpected FemDom
This last weekend, on Saturday morning, my Mistress wife had a professional conference that she needed to be at. What this usually means for me is that I get up early to make a small breakfast and then I come back into the bedroom and wake Mistress Laura to serve her.
So, I got up about an hour before Mistress needed to be awake and cooked her an omelet and made some toast, poured some coffee and a small glass of OJ and set it all on the small side table. Then I knelt by the side of the bed and massaged her feet slowly and firmly till she woke up and sat on the edge of the bed and gestured for me to just sit on the carpet.
I sat at her feet while we discussed the logistics of the day and she ate.
After she had eaten, she had me clean up while she showered and got dressed. She told me to dress business casual and that I would be her driver and sweet solicitous husband at the event. We've done this many times in the past where she brings me as her guest and I do things like fetch her tea or water. I sometimes think she just likes showing off her control in public.
When we got there, we sat at round tables to listen to the program (which was about different music teaching techniques).
At various points, Mistress gestured for me to go and fetch her some water or tea. Once, when I came back with her tea with a “Here you go, Ma'am,” I sensed that the attention of one of the women at the table was distinctly on us. This impression was quickly verified when she started talking to us at the next break.
After some pleasantries, this woman, who I will refer to as LF, said point blank to Mistress Laura:
“Some friends of mine and I sometimes have our boys serve us tea. Naked.”
Since Mistress wasn't really expecting that sort of conversation at this seminar, she was at first taken aback. “You're joking, right?”
LF gave a very wide smile “No joke. They do get to wear a bowtie.”
After a pause, Mistress asked “Are they at `full attention?'”
“Some are, yes. If you are interested in bringing him, I can arrange it.”
It turns out that there is a network of dominant women in Northern California who have occasional tea parties served by submissive men who are naked. That is one of my fantasies come true!
After a few hours, we left the event and headed for home. On the drive, Mistress Laura told me that the idea of these tea parties intrigued her and that she might like to attend one. When we got home, she then took me into the bedroom, told me to strip, slid out of her skirt and had me lick her pussy till she came hard, all the while telling me that it might be fun for her to network with other Dominas in the area. Then she came again, this time by her own hand, while I sucked on her breasts.
I got no release. Which, weirdly enough, was very comforting to me. She just said “Good boy. Now go and finish the laundry.”
At this point, it seems totally normal that Mistress should be served all day by me, have a conversation with a new acquaintance about naked male servers at a tea party, then use me to have an orgasm or two and then send me off to do more housework.
So, I got up about an hour before Mistress needed to be awake and cooked her an omelet and made some toast, poured some coffee and a small glass of OJ and set it all on the small side table. Then I knelt by the side of the bed and massaged her feet slowly and firmly till she woke up and sat on the edge of the bed and gestured for me to just sit on the carpet.
I sat at her feet while we discussed the logistics of the day and she ate.
After she had eaten, she had me clean up while she showered and got dressed. She told me to dress business casual and that I would be her driver and sweet solicitous husband at the event. We've done this many times in the past where she brings me as her guest and I do things like fetch her tea or water. I sometimes think she just likes showing off her control in public.
When we got there, we sat at round tables to listen to the program (which was about different music teaching techniques).
At various points, Mistress gestured for me to go and fetch her some water or tea. Once, when I came back with her tea with a “Here you go, Ma'am,” I sensed that the attention of one of the women at the table was distinctly on us. This impression was quickly verified when she started talking to us at the next break.
After some pleasantries, this woman, who I will refer to as LF, said point blank to Mistress Laura:
“Some friends of mine and I sometimes have our boys serve us tea. Naked.”
Since Mistress wasn't really expecting that sort of conversation at this seminar, she was at first taken aback. “You're joking, right?”
LF gave a very wide smile “No joke. They do get to wear a bowtie.”
After a pause, Mistress asked “Are they at `full attention?'”
“Some are, yes. If you are interested in bringing him, I can arrange it.”
It turns out that there is a network of dominant women in Northern California who have occasional tea parties served by submissive men who are naked. That is one of my fantasies come true!
After a few hours, we left the event and headed for home. On the drive, Mistress Laura told me that the idea of these tea parties intrigued her and that she might like to attend one. When we got home, she then took me into the bedroom, told me to strip, slid out of her skirt and had me lick her pussy till she came hard, all the while telling me that it might be fun for her to network with other Dominas in the area. Then she came again, this time by her own hand, while I sucked on her breasts.
I got no release. Which, weirdly enough, was very comforting to me. She just said “Good boy. Now go and finish the laundry.”
At this point, it seems totally normal that Mistress should be served all day by me, have a conversation with a new acquaintance about naked male servers at a tea party, then use me to have an orgasm or two and then send me off to do more housework.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Becoming fit for my Mistress
It's been about a year since my last post.
I weighed 165 pounds then. Now I weigh 140. Because of Mistress Laura.
My body fat percentage was around 25. Today, it's about 9. All due to Mistress Laura.
Here's a recent photo of my body (that she owns).
About a year ago, she ordered me to stop wasting so much time online and start doing one of those extreme home fitness systems (P90X, for those who are curious, but I don't think the specifics of the regimen matters). Some co-worker had raved about it and she had seen the late night infomercials.
So, I got the DVDs, the weights, the pullup bar. I installed the pullup bar and could barely do 3 good pullups.
At first, I hated the execrises. They were extremely difficult. Anyway, I would rather write in my blog or read web sites.
The diet component to the plan was also a bit annoying at first, but not so much that I couldn't stick to it consistently. Still, I had serious doubts about being able to stick to the exercise plan.
Mistress quickly fixed my attitude, however.
For the first few weeks, she would sometimes walk in on me when working out and just watch for a few minutes. Then she would say something like "You are looking better. After you are done, go rinse yourself and go and kneel in the bedroom." When I would finish and rinse off, and kneel as she had ordered, she would walk in and order me to kiss her feet (which would quickly cause my cock to get very hard) and then she would allow me to masturbate, all the while telling me that I was a good boy for sticking with the exercises and working hard. As you can imagine, this had me in a fog, wanting to do for her anything she wanted me to do!
Occasionally, when she would see me slacking off, she would tell me bluntly that if I wanted to have my release and not just a hard spanking, I should step up the effort. That usually caused a quick "Yes Ma'am" and a jolt of adrenaline. :-)
Today, I can do 25 full extension pullups and in one session can do over 400 pushups. My stamina is much much higher than it has ever been and overall I feel about ten years younger.
Everything else has been pretty stable. My work situation has changed; As of a couple of months ago, I'm working for a new company a little closer to home.
Mistress works sometimes out of the home and sometimes in her home office. The distribution of labor is still the same. She controls all the money and has final say on all decisions. Every day when I get home, I get naked and start cooking and cleaning as my Mistress commands.
At least every other night, she lets me lick her till she has an orgasm or two. Very occasionally she lets me fuck her, but most of the time recently I get my release through masturbation while she watches or while she is watching TV and telling me to kiss and lick her feet.
Life is good. I'll be posting a bit more regularly from this point on.
I weighed 165 pounds then. Now I weigh 140. Because of Mistress Laura.
My body fat percentage was around 25. Today, it's about 9. All due to Mistress Laura.
Here's a recent photo of my body (that she owns).
About a year ago, she ordered me to stop wasting so much time online and start doing one of those extreme home fitness systems (P90X, for those who are curious, but I don't think the specifics of the regimen matters). Some co-worker had raved about it and she had seen the late night infomercials.
So, I got the DVDs, the weights, the pullup bar. I installed the pullup bar and could barely do 3 good pullups.
At first, I hated the execrises. They were extremely difficult. Anyway, I would rather write in my blog or read web sites.
The diet component to the plan was also a bit annoying at first, but not so much that I couldn't stick to it consistently. Still, I had serious doubts about being able to stick to the exercise plan.
Mistress quickly fixed my attitude, however.
For the first few weeks, she would sometimes walk in on me when working out and just watch for a few minutes. Then she would say something like "You are looking better. After you are done, go rinse yourself and go and kneel in the bedroom." When I would finish and rinse off, and kneel as she had ordered, she would walk in and order me to kiss her feet (which would quickly cause my cock to get very hard) and then she would allow me to masturbate, all the while telling me that I was a good boy for sticking with the exercises and working hard. As you can imagine, this had me in a fog, wanting to do for her anything she wanted me to do!
Occasionally, when she would see me slacking off, she would tell me bluntly that if I wanted to have my release and not just a hard spanking, I should step up the effort. That usually caused a quick "Yes Ma'am" and a jolt of adrenaline. :-)
Today, I can do 25 full extension pullups and in one session can do over 400 pushups. My stamina is much much higher than it has ever been and overall I feel about ten years younger.
Everything else has been pretty stable. My work situation has changed; As of a couple of months ago, I'm working for a new company a little closer to home.
Mistress works sometimes out of the home and sometimes in her home office. The distribution of labor is still the same. She controls all the money and has final say on all decisions. Every day when I get home, I get naked and start cooking and cleaning as my Mistress commands.
At least every other night, she lets me lick her till she has an orgasm or two. Very occasionally she lets me fuck her, but most of the time recently I get my release through masturbation while she watches or while she is watching TV and telling me to kiss and lick her feet.
Life is good. I'll be posting a bit more regularly from this point on.
Friday, March 14, 2008
The everyday rules that keep me focused on my Mistress
Every once in a while, I find it useful to take a step back and observe the little rituals and expectations that almost go unnoticed now through daily usage. These are Mistress's rules of conduct that keep my head in the right place. All of these little interactions and bits of formality have grown organically over the last couple of years.
I have come to the conclusion that these daily transactions are more important in the long run than almost anything else in maintaining the D/s energy in our FemDom lifestyle. I would be interested in hearing from others if they have similar experiences (both from the dominant and submissive perspectives).
When I leave for work, I give Mistress Laura a kiss goodbye on the lips. If I forget to do it on my own, she then prompts me, “Now give me a proper goodbye kiss, slaveboy,” and I kneel and kiss her feet. I admit that I sometimes “forget” on purpose so she can prompt me. :-)
When I return from work, I am expected to get completely naked and kneel in her office without saying a word. She is often in the middle of finishing some paperwork or writing an Email. Sometimes it takes her a few minutes (I think she is slow on purpose) before she turns around and allows me to kiss her feet. Even then, I am not allowed to say anything till she starts talking to me. I actually like the delicious anticipation and the uncomfortable vulnerable silence that underscores my place in the relationship.
When we go out to eat, I always open the doors and I pull out her chair before sitting down. She often orders for both of us. After the food arrives I put servings on her plate and wait. She will often eat a few bites before she nods, telling me that I may serve myself now.
When she takes me to a movie, she will often specify exactly how she wants me to be dressed. Often, it's “business casual,” but sometimes she will have me wear shorts and a t-shirt without any underwear so that she can put her hand on my thighs and be amused by the tent growing in my shorts.
When we watch TV, I am almost always naked and sitting at her feet. Sometimes she will tell me to massage her feet while she watches TV. On rare and blissfull occasions she will have me licking her pussy while she watches TV. All in all, the impression I am left with is that I am here to pleasure her and to make her life easier. Of course, eating her out like that always makes me horny, but she does not seem to care too much about that (which is exactly as I like it, even if I whine from time to time).
She recently bought a bell that she will ring randomly throughout the day. When I hear the bell, no matter what I am doing, I am to come and kneel by her feet so that she can tell me what she wants. When I hear the bell, my stomach does a little flip-flop and I am at her feet as quickly as I am able. Sometimes she will ring the bell when she knows I am in the middle of something that is absorbing my attention just to see me kneel there, then she will just grin and say “Good boy. Go back to what you were doing.” Frustrating, maddening and hot, all at the same time. :-)
I am to address her as “Ma'am” or “My Lady” in public. Her friends (except now for Susan) just think I am being romantic, which I am, but it's more about respect and deference. Another rule of hers is that I may never argue with her in public. We may argue in private, but you will mostly hear me saying things like “Yes Ma'am.” when we are discussing anything in public.
I have come to the conclusion that these daily transactions are more important in the long run than almost anything else in maintaining the D/s energy in our FemDom lifestyle. I would be interested in hearing from others if they have similar experiences (both from the dominant and submissive perspectives).
When I leave for work, I give Mistress Laura a kiss goodbye on the lips. If I forget to do it on my own, she then prompts me, “Now give me a proper goodbye kiss, slaveboy,” and I kneel and kiss her feet. I admit that I sometimes “forget” on purpose so she can prompt me. :-)
When I return from work, I am expected to get completely naked and kneel in her office without saying a word. She is often in the middle of finishing some paperwork or writing an Email. Sometimes it takes her a few minutes (I think she is slow on purpose) before she turns around and allows me to kiss her feet. Even then, I am not allowed to say anything till she starts talking to me. I actually like the delicious anticipation and the uncomfortable vulnerable silence that underscores my place in the relationship.
When we go out to eat, I always open the doors and I pull out her chair before sitting down. She often orders for both of us. After the food arrives I put servings on her plate and wait. She will often eat a few bites before she nods, telling me that I may serve myself now.
When she takes me to a movie, she will often specify exactly how she wants me to be dressed. Often, it's “business casual,” but sometimes she will have me wear shorts and a t-shirt without any underwear so that she can put her hand on my thighs and be amused by the tent growing in my shorts.
When we watch TV, I am almost always naked and sitting at her feet. Sometimes she will tell me to massage her feet while she watches TV. On rare and blissfull occasions she will have me licking her pussy while she watches TV. All in all, the impression I am left with is that I am here to pleasure her and to make her life easier. Of course, eating her out like that always makes me horny, but she does not seem to care too much about that (which is exactly as I like it, even if I whine from time to time).
She recently bought a bell that she will ring randomly throughout the day. When I hear the bell, no matter what I am doing, I am to come and kneel by her feet so that she can tell me what she wants. When I hear the bell, my stomach does a little flip-flop and I am at her feet as quickly as I am able. Sometimes she will ring the bell when she knows I am in the middle of something that is absorbing my attention just to see me kneel there, then she will just grin and say “Good boy. Go back to what you were doing.” Frustrating, maddening and hot, all at the same time. :-)
I am to address her as “Ma'am” or “My Lady” in public. Her friends (except now for Susan) just think I am being romantic, which I am, but it's more about respect and deference. Another rule of hers is that I may never argue with her in public. We may argue in private, but you will mostly hear me saying things like “Yes Ma'am.” when we are discussing anything in public.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Very much in need of a release
When I got home tonight, Mistress sent me to the video store to get some movies, and we watched “Darjeeling Limited”
Afterwards, she had me shave my face again and meet her in the bedroom.
In the bedroom, she basically instructed me to give her a nice long massage, relaxing her from head to toe. After about 20 minutes, she flipped over onto her back and pushed my face into her furry pussy.
I love the way she smells and tastes and seeing her curly pubic hair turns me on very much. I enthusiastically licked her, following her verbal instructions to the letter (“Slow down. A little higher. Circle round. Uh huh. Good boy...”) and she had a full body tensing orgasm with an accompanying guttural sound that just about drove me nuts.
Then she rolled over and fell asleep.
This is the third night this week that she has used me like this, without any hint of giving me a release. I am very tempted to masturbate, but I won't. I know that when she finally gives me a release, it will be much better than anything I could do by myself.
Goodnight, everyone. Hope your weekend is a good one!
Afterwards, she had me shave my face again and meet her in the bedroom.
In the bedroom, she basically instructed me to give her a nice long massage, relaxing her from head to toe. After about 20 minutes, she flipped over onto her back and pushed my face into her furry pussy.
I love the way she smells and tastes and seeing her curly pubic hair turns me on very much. I enthusiastically licked her, following her verbal instructions to the letter (“Slow down. A little higher. Circle round. Uh huh. Good boy...”) and she had a full body tensing orgasm with an accompanying guttural sound that just about drove me nuts.
Then she rolled over and fell asleep.
This is the third night this week that she has used me like this, without any hint of giving me a release. I am very tempted to masturbate, but I won't. I know that when she finally gives me a release, it will be much better than anything I could do by myself.
Goodnight, everyone. Hope your weekend is a good one!
Friday, March 07, 2008
Thoughts about consent in a fulltime FemDom relationship
The comment made by strongnsubmissive in response to my previous post prompted me to ruminate on the idea of consent.
I have no safeword. My relationship with my Mistress is as lopsided as it can possibly be. She holds all the strings: she controls the money and makes all the rules. My body is hers to use. My will is hers to control.
This is all, of course, my choice.
By some definition of choice.
When she tells me to “Strip, slaveboy, and kiss my feet,” my head swims and I am in an erotic fog. I move quickly to obey, disrobing, the very fact of shedding my clothes enhancing my already existing state of vulnerability and surrender. By the time my lips are on her beautiful feet, my mind is already long gone past any thoughtful consideration of “is this really my choice?” or even “is this appropriate or safe?”
Her control of me is like a drug and I thrive on the fear and the arousal inherent in my ever present surrender. I am addicted to my Mistress.
By my own choice...
By some definition of choice.
This state of surrender and naked vulnerability (even when fully clothed) only exists inside the context of my relationship with my Mistress Wife and not in any other random interaction or relationship. It implies a level of trust that is built on experience.
For example, when I contemplate the same situation with an unknown woman who I somehow know to be dominant, telling me to strip and to kneel at her feet: it is an exciting fantasy but in the reality of the doing, I know that I would be very guarded inside; all of my emotional and mental armor would be fully operational and the act would feel like an empty gesture.
In this context of unconditional surrender, I don't think it is even possible to have a way to have a discussion about what I would like or not like, as equals, apart from the inherent power imbalance that exists. Mistress knows that when I get a whiff of something that pleases her that I will start to move my thinking and my feelings in the direction of trying to please her.
She uses this fact to her advantage and to my miserable delight.
For a relatively minor example: Early on in our relationship, she told me that it turned her on to see me naked, on my hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor. Immediately, that statement created in my mind an urge to scrub the kitchen floor. Mistress further used this urge by rationing it. She would have me do a quick cursory sweep of the kitchen floor two or three weekends in a row, and would say something like “And maybe next week, I'll let you scrub the floor, on your hands and knees for me, while I read a book on the couch, where I can watch you. You'll like that.” She has done this so many times now that she can tell me to go and scrub the kitchen floor while she goes shopping at her favorite bookstore, knowing that by the time she returns the floor will be clean and I will also be in a desperate state of arousal, ready to do whatever else will please her.
For a more extreme example: I am by nature a very jealous person. Mistress knows this. However, over the last few months, Mistress Laura has slowly teased me about having sex with a male acquaintance of ours, call him “Bill,” communicating with me very clearly about how much it would turn her on. What does this do to me on the inside? I have a rush of excitement, wanting to please her, wanting to see her excitement, even delighting in the thought of my tortured jealousy and unhappiness... I am still jealous, to be sure, but that is secondary to my need to turn her on, to make her happy.
She sometimes punctuates these... conversations or interactions by having me lie on the ground on my back at her feet, naked, while she presses her foot onto my (her) cock and telling me in detail about all the things she thinks about doing with Bill.
A real life snippet of the kinds of things she says to me while I am under her foot, from my memory: “My miserable jealous little boy... maybe I would make you kneel, at the side of the bed, dressed in your pretty little girl skirt and my collar... So you could see clearly, Bill kissing me and pushing me onto the bed and pushing his cock into me... And I know you would want to taste my juices... Because you know it turns me on... and you would, when I would have you suck Bill's cock so he could get hard again for me. You would do that for me, wouldn't you?”
Later, Mistress Laura tells me that she does not think that she would ever actually do such a thing, but she needs me to understand that she could do it, and that I would really have no choice in the matter.
This state of affairs is my choice, of course.
By some perverse definition of choice.
I have no safeword. My relationship with my Mistress is as lopsided as it can possibly be. She holds all the strings: she controls the money and makes all the rules. My body is hers to use. My will is hers to control.
This is all, of course, my choice.
By some definition of choice.
When she tells me to “Strip, slaveboy, and kiss my feet,” my head swims and I am in an erotic fog. I move quickly to obey, disrobing, the very fact of shedding my clothes enhancing my already existing state of vulnerability and surrender. By the time my lips are on her beautiful feet, my mind is already long gone past any thoughtful consideration of “is this really my choice?” or even “is this appropriate or safe?”
Her control of me is like a drug and I thrive on the fear and the arousal inherent in my ever present surrender. I am addicted to my Mistress.
By my own choice...
By some definition of choice.
This state of surrender and naked vulnerability (even when fully clothed) only exists inside the context of my relationship with my Mistress Wife and not in any other random interaction or relationship. It implies a level of trust that is built on experience.
For example, when I contemplate the same situation with an unknown woman who I somehow know to be dominant, telling me to strip and to kneel at her feet: it is an exciting fantasy but in the reality of the doing, I know that I would be very guarded inside; all of my emotional and mental armor would be fully operational and the act would feel like an empty gesture.
In this context of unconditional surrender, I don't think it is even possible to have a way to have a discussion about what I would like or not like, as equals, apart from the inherent power imbalance that exists. Mistress knows that when I get a whiff of something that pleases her that I will start to move my thinking and my feelings in the direction of trying to please her.
She uses this fact to her advantage and to my miserable delight.
For a relatively minor example: Early on in our relationship, she told me that it turned her on to see me naked, on my hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor. Immediately, that statement created in my mind an urge to scrub the kitchen floor. Mistress further used this urge by rationing it. She would have me do a quick cursory sweep of the kitchen floor two or three weekends in a row, and would say something like “And maybe next week, I'll let you scrub the floor, on your hands and knees for me, while I read a book on the couch, where I can watch you. You'll like that.” She has done this so many times now that she can tell me to go and scrub the kitchen floor while she goes shopping at her favorite bookstore, knowing that by the time she returns the floor will be clean and I will also be in a desperate state of arousal, ready to do whatever else will please her.
For a more extreme example: I am by nature a very jealous person. Mistress knows this. However, over the last few months, Mistress Laura has slowly teased me about having sex with a male acquaintance of ours, call him “Bill,” communicating with me very clearly about how much it would turn her on. What does this do to me on the inside? I have a rush of excitement, wanting to please her, wanting to see her excitement, even delighting in the thought of my tortured jealousy and unhappiness... I am still jealous, to be sure, but that is secondary to my need to turn her on, to make her happy.
She sometimes punctuates these... conversations or interactions by having me lie on the ground on my back at her feet, naked, while she presses her foot onto my (her) cock and telling me in detail about all the things she thinks about doing with Bill.
A real life snippet of the kinds of things she says to me while I am under her foot, from my memory: “My miserable jealous little boy... maybe I would make you kneel, at the side of the bed, dressed in your pretty little girl skirt and my collar... So you could see clearly, Bill kissing me and pushing me onto the bed and pushing his cock into me... And I know you would want to taste my juices... Because you know it turns me on... and you would, when I would have you suck Bill's cock so he could get hard again for me. You would do that for me, wouldn't you?”
Later, Mistress Laura tells me that she does not think that she would ever actually do such a thing, but she needs me to understand that she could do it, and that I would really have no choice in the matter.
This state of affairs is my choice, of course.
By some perverse definition of choice.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Mistress "outed" us to a friend
Since the beginning, Mistress Laura has had some fairly strict privacy boundaries around our relationship, especially as it relates to some of her oldest friends. That all changed a couple of weekends ago.
The upcoming Monday, February 18th, was President's Day, a holiday from my work, so I was going to get to spend almost four straight days at home, starting with Friday night.
Friday night, Mistress told me to get naked and to kneel at her feet while she watched television. I happily did this, at times rubbing her feet and in the process becoming more and more aroused. There's nothing like being made to be naked and vulnerable in front of my fully clothed Mistress to put me in my proper place. In this particular instance, this feeling was enhanced greatly when Mistress told me “Looks like my cock and balls are a bit hairy. I don't like that. Go shave them smooth like a little boy's and come back.”
I did as I was told, shaving off the hairs from my cock and balls and applying nair to get the hair off around my ass and under my balls. About twenty minutes later, I was kneeling at my Mistress's feet again.
“You've been a bit sloppy lately. You used to shave yourself smooth for me every day. Now I think you've let it go to once every few days at times. We're going to stop the sloppiness this weekend.”
“Yes Mistress,” this seemed to me to be the only appropriate response, which I gave. Meanwhile, her shaved and baby-smooth cock was standing at full attention, letting her know how much I love it when she starts laying down the law and being more strict with me.
“Do you have any work that you need to do this weekend? Anything you were planning?”
I thought for a minute and replied that I did not.
“Good. From this point on, you will not check Email without my permission. You will not go outside of the house without my permission. You will not go to the bathroom without checking with me, and unless I tell you otherwise, you are to remain naked in my presence. Do you understand, slaveboy?”
“Yes Ma'am.”
She then had me kiss her feet and then set me to the task of housecleaning, starting with vacuuming and laundry. I kept to her rules all Friday. Saturday was spent cooking and continuing to clean house for my Mistress, mostly naked, except for when I was cooking, when I was told to wear one of Mistress Laura's frilly pink aprons and my high heeled shoes. This combination made for a very visible tent pole in the front. ;-)
When Sunday morning rolled around, Mistress Laura told me that an old female friend of hers was going to be visiting us in the early afternoon and that I should be on my best behavior.
“Yes Mistress,” I told her, serving her breakfast and then sitting at her feet, naked.
About an hour later, having finished the last of the laundry and folded it and put it away, I got dressed and took the the dog for a walk, thinking that Mistress could not possibly be serious about having me completely naked in her presence with her old friend visiting and that my “strict” service was pretty much over for the weekend.
I did the normal 40 or so minute walk and returned home to see an unfamiliar car in the driveway. I took the dog back inside and saw that Mistress Laura was sitting with her friend in the living room.
“Come here, Tom, I want you to meet Susan,” she called to me when she saw that I had returned.
I came over to the couch and shook hands with Susan, a slim woman with curly blond hair who held my gaze with the most inquisitive expression, as if she was about to ask me something. The moment passed without her asking the question, however.
“Glad to meet you.” I said, feeling comfortable.
I noticed that Mistress Laura was looking on with amusement at some private joke and I was suddenly feeling very unsettled.
“Sue and I are college friends. We used to tell each other everything that was going on in our lives,”
She paused, then continued, her tone suddenly changing as she leaned forward and I felt the heat of her intense attention. “Thomas, my boy, I appreciate your taking the dog for a walk, but I did not give you permission to leave the house, did I?”
My cheeks were suddenly hot and I could not look at my Mistress, I shifted my gaze downward and felt really small, embarrassed beyond words, and did not say anything. There was a very awkward moment of silence.
“slaveboy, answer me.”
“No Ma'am. You did not give me permission.”
“And there's another thing. I remember telling you quite clearly that you were to be naked in my presence unless I tell you otherwise. Did I tell you that you could wear clothes just because my friend was visiting? If it was going to be an issue, I would have told you exactly how I wanted you dressed before she got here. Do you think that you can decide these things for yourself?”
I just stood there, dumbly looking down at the ground. The hot feeling in my cheeks extended all the way down my neck and even onto the top of my shoulders. I felt myself sweating as if in fear.
“Take off your clothes now, then kiss my feet, and sit down there.”
Slowly, I undressed, putting my shoes and socks in the corner of the room, then my jeans and t-shirt were neatly folded and joined the pile, and finally my briefs. I knelt at my Mistress's feet, my shaved cock shamelessly at full attention even as my face practically burned with my embarrassment.
“See, just like I told you,” I heard Mistress Laura say as I put my lips on her feet.
“Wow. I thought you were joking. It's real?!?” Susan said. Looking up from the ground for a second, I saw that she was smiling down at me and that made me feel a little bit better. She seemed to be okay with this, but I should have known that, or else Mistress would not have had me do this in front of her.
I sat back down on the ground at Mistress's feet, silent, as she continued conversing with Susan. I don't know how long it was, but about ten, maybe fifteen minutes passed and it seemed to feel normal, my sitting naked at my Mistress's feet even as she talked with her friend. I was her pet, her slave, just another accessory in her life.
A while later, Mistress had me serve tea for her and Susan while wearing my high heels and new “pretty clothes.” (the extra lacey and see through black women's lingerie top she had recently bought for me). That outfit seemed to make Susan smile wide, which made me feel very very small.
After serving tea, Mistress told me to get completely naked again and clean the bathrooms, “and make sure to scrub the inside and the outside of all the toilet bowls.”
“Yes Mistress,” I said, taking off my pretty things and getting the yellow latex gloves and my bucket of cleaning solutions and going off to scrub toilets.
Later, after Susan left, Mistress Laura inspected my work and said that I did a good job but that she needed to teach me a lesson about obeying her orders completely.
She caned me that night (which at this point is more than a week ago) and I still have a couple of stripes across my ass from that caning. After the caning, she let me eat her pussy till she orgasmed, but denied me any release.
Since then, I have been much more attentive and have felt more solidly “owned” by my Mistress.
The upcoming Monday, February 18th, was President's Day, a holiday from my work, so I was going to get to spend almost four straight days at home, starting with Friday night.
Friday night, Mistress told me to get naked and to kneel at her feet while she watched television. I happily did this, at times rubbing her feet and in the process becoming more and more aroused. There's nothing like being made to be naked and vulnerable in front of my fully clothed Mistress to put me in my proper place. In this particular instance, this feeling was enhanced greatly when Mistress told me “Looks like my cock and balls are a bit hairy. I don't like that. Go shave them smooth like a little boy's and come back.”
I did as I was told, shaving off the hairs from my cock and balls and applying nair to get the hair off around my ass and under my balls. About twenty minutes later, I was kneeling at my Mistress's feet again.
“You've been a bit sloppy lately. You used to shave yourself smooth for me every day. Now I think you've let it go to once every few days at times. We're going to stop the sloppiness this weekend.”
“Yes Mistress,” this seemed to me to be the only appropriate response, which I gave. Meanwhile, her shaved and baby-smooth cock was standing at full attention, letting her know how much I love it when she starts laying down the law and being more strict with me.
“Do you have any work that you need to do this weekend? Anything you were planning?”
I thought for a minute and replied that I did not.
“Good. From this point on, you will not check Email without my permission. You will not go outside of the house without my permission. You will not go to the bathroom without checking with me, and unless I tell you otherwise, you are to remain naked in my presence. Do you understand, slaveboy?”
“Yes Ma'am.”
She then had me kiss her feet and then set me to the task of housecleaning, starting with vacuuming and laundry. I kept to her rules all Friday. Saturday was spent cooking and continuing to clean house for my Mistress, mostly naked, except for when I was cooking, when I was told to wear one of Mistress Laura's frilly pink aprons and my high heeled shoes. This combination made for a very visible tent pole in the front. ;-)
When Sunday morning rolled around, Mistress Laura told me that an old female friend of hers was going to be visiting us in the early afternoon and that I should be on my best behavior.
“Yes Mistress,” I told her, serving her breakfast and then sitting at her feet, naked.
About an hour later, having finished the last of the laundry and folded it and put it away, I got dressed and took the the dog for a walk, thinking that Mistress could not possibly be serious about having me completely naked in her presence with her old friend visiting and that my “strict” service was pretty much over for the weekend.
I did the normal 40 or so minute walk and returned home to see an unfamiliar car in the driveway. I took the dog back inside and saw that Mistress Laura was sitting with her friend in the living room.
“Come here, Tom, I want you to meet Susan,” she called to me when she saw that I had returned.
I came over to the couch and shook hands with Susan, a slim woman with curly blond hair who held my gaze with the most inquisitive expression, as if she was about to ask me something. The moment passed without her asking the question, however.
“Glad to meet you.” I said, feeling comfortable.
I noticed that Mistress Laura was looking on with amusement at some private joke and I was suddenly feeling very unsettled.
“Sue and I are college friends. We used to tell each other everything that was going on in our lives,”
She paused, then continued, her tone suddenly changing as she leaned forward and I felt the heat of her intense attention. “Thomas, my boy, I appreciate your taking the dog for a walk, but I did not give you permission to leave the house, did I?”
My cheeks were suddenly hot and I could not look at my Mistress, I shifted my gaze downward and felt really small, embarrassed beyond words, and did not say anything. There was a very awkward moment of silence.
“slaveboy, answer me.”
“No Ma'am. You did not give me permission.”
“And there's another thing. I remember telling you quite clearly that you were to be naked in my presence unless I tell you otherwise. Did I tell you that you could wear clothes just because my friend was visiting? If it was going to be an issue, I would have told you exactly how I wanted you dressed before she got here. Do you think that you can decide these things for yourself?”
I just stood there, dumbly looking down at the ground. The hot feeling in my cheeks extended all the way down my neck and even onto the top of my shoulders. I felt myself sweating as if in fear.
“Take off your clothes now, then kiss my feet, and sit down there.”
Slowly, I undressed, putting my shoes and socks in the corner of the room, then my jeans and t-shirt were neatly folded and joined the pile, and finally my briefs. I knelt at my Mistress's feet, my shaved cock shamelessly at full attention even as my face practically burned with my embarrassment.
“See, just like I told you,” I heard Mistress Laura say as I put my lips on her feet.
“Wow. I thought you were joking. It's real?!?” Susan said. Looking up from the ground for a second, I saw that she was smiling down at me and that made me feel a little bit better. She seemed to be okay with this, but I should have known that, or else Mistress would not have had me do this in front of her.
I sat back down on the ground at Mistress's feet, silent, as she continued conversing with Susan. I don't know how long it was, but about ten, maybe fifteen minutes passed and it seemed to feel normal, my sitting naked at my Mistress's feet even as she talked with her friend. I was her pet, her slave, just another accessory in her life.
A while later, Mistress had me serve tea for her and Susan while wearing my high heels and new “pretty clothes.” (the extra lacey and see through black women's lingerie top she had recently bought for me). That outfit seemed to make Susan smile wide, which made me feel very very small.
After serving tea, Mistress told me to get completely naked again and clean the bathrooms, “and make sure to scrub the inside and the outside of all the toilet bowls.”
“Yes Mistress,” I said, taking off my pretty things and getting the yellow latex gloves and my bucket of cleaning solutions and going off to scrub toilets.
Later, after Susan left, Mistress Laura inspected my work and said that I did a good job but that she needed to teach me a lesson about obeying her orders completely.
She caned me that night (which at this point is more than a week ago) and I still have a couple of stripes across my ass from that caning. After the caning, she let me eat her pussy till she orgasmed, but denied me any release.
Since then, I have been much more attentive and have felt more solidly “owned” by my Mistress.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Once again, I return, on Mistress's command
Hi everyone. It's been a few months since I have written.
In the intervening months, a lot has happened, and nothing has happened.
Mistress Laura and I just got busier and busier, with the pace of life just not seeming to slow down at all.
Most of the parts of our daily routines and rituals remained intact, but for me (and I think for my Mistress too), there was not much enthusiasm. Things had gotten a bit robotic till a couple of weeks ago.
That's when Mistress sat me down and told me that we need to spend more time focusing on our relationship and finding time for me to serve her more again. She asked me about what makes me feel “more connected.” I told her that I felt connected to her and felt most like serving her when I take the time to read and write in in this blog and read about the experiences of other submissive men.
So... as a result of that conversation, now I am here on my Mistress's command. No matter how busy things get, I am to spend a bit of time here, writing and reading, sharing my experiences.
Things have been very busy (work life, mostly) but even so, just writing here calms me down and excites me for some reason. Mistress knows best. :-) :-)
In the intervening months, a lot has happened, and nothing has happened.
Mistress Laura and I just got busier and busier, with the pace of life just not seeming to slow down at all.
Most of the parts of our daily routines and rituals remained intact, but for me (and I think for my Mistress too), there was not much enthusiasm. Things had gotten a bit robotic till a couple of weeks ago.
That's when Mistress sat me down and told me that we need to spend more time focusing on our relationship and finding time for me to serve her more again. She asked me about what makes me feel “more connected.” I told her that I felt connected to her and felt most like serving her when I take the time to read and write in in this blog and read about the experiences of other submissive men.
So... as a result of that conversation, now I am here on my Mistress's command. No matter how busy things get, I am to spend a bit of time here, writing and reading, sharing my experiences.
Things have been very busy (work life, mostly) but even so, just writing here calms me down and excites me for some reason. Mistress knows best. :-) :-)
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
How to intensify a slaveboy's foot fetish.
It's been a couple of months since I have posted. This summer was a very busy time for Mistress Laura and I and between the home improvements, my job, her job, normal social and family obligations, keeping the house clean and doing the cooking, I have not had much time to post.
I realized about a week ago that it's been a few months since Mistress Laura has allowed me to put my cock inside her.
At the same time, she has had me pleasure her to orgasms a few times a week and I have gotten used to not being allowed to come. She says it keeps me focused and hungry to please her and that I get more “naughty” soon after she lets me come. I argue with her a little about this, saying that I can be a perfectly good boy even if she lets me come a few times a week, she just smiles. In the end it doesn't matter, since she owns my cock and it's up to her when or if I come.
In fact, the last time she let me orgasm was about a month ago. The evening started normally enough. Wearing only a red frilly apron, her leather collar and high heel shoes, I had a hot chicken and rice meal on the table set for one and I was kneeling in the kitchen, waiting for her. She smiled and bent down to kiss me, and said “good girl,” before sitting down to enjoy her meal.
She told me to take off the apron and sit comfortably. I remember the kitchen floor was cold against my naked ass. Every once in a while, she fed me a morsel on her fork. When she was done, she put her plate of leftovers on the floor and told me to “finish it without using your hands.”
It's hard to describe what acts like this do to my mindset... I used my mouth and my tongue to clean the plate and I got a bit of rice stuck to my face, which she wiped away with a wet washcloth, then we retired to the living room.
In the living room, she had me set up the TV and give her the remote, then lay on my back at her feet while she watched television. She was sitting in her comfortable overstuffed chair (like a Lazy-Boy reclining chair). She positioned me so that my face was about where her foot would be and told me that my job was to massage her feet and to kiss and lick them. I proceeded to do so.
Touching my Mistress's pretty feet and ankles gets me very hot and bothered and the rising member between my legs attested to this fact. Every once in a while, I heard Mistress chuckle and say, “What a good boy, serving me turns you on.”
After a long time (probably about 30 minutes -- judging by the fact that the sitcom she was watching ended and another show began), she told me, “Since you've been such a good boy tonight, I'm going to let you come by rubbing yourself against my feet. When you make a mess, you'll have to lick my feet clean again. Understand?”
“Yes Mistress.”
She had me position myself with my ass close to her feet and told me to put my feet up so that they were somewhat supported on the arms of the chair; mostly it meant that the back of my calves were leaning against the chair handle in a way that somewhat supported the weight of my legs which were sticking up in the air.
So, from her vantage point, she could look down on my naked body, look into my face, and press her foot down into my shaved cock and balls.
Then, she started to slide her foot up and down the shaft of her engorged toy while looking at my eyes. The tip of my cock was pretty slippery with precum, so soon enough the bottom of her foot was slick and it felt pretty good sliding up and down.
“Such a good little boy,” Mistress Laura cooed while pressing hard into me and sliding her foot up my shaft. “You're going to have to beg to come, my boy.”
Hardly two minutes had passed. “Oh please, Mistress... Please... May I come?”
“You're going to have to lick off your own spooge, you know... Yes, you may!”
I shuddered a long shudder and most of the cum shot up to my belly and Mistress Laura deliberately pushed her foot into the puddle of cum, covering the bottom of her foot with my “spooge” as she called it.
For any submissive men that have not had the experience, the idea of licking your own cum is hot, but in reality, it's just disgusting.
Nevertheless, Mistress held her foot out in front of her and said “Clean me up, bitch.” and I repositioned myself so I was on all fours and licking the bottom of her foot, suppressing my gag reflex while she just chuckled.
Since that time, my usually strong level of arousal at touching Mistress Laura's feet has been even higher. From a psychological point of view, I understand this: She's training me like any pavlovian subject, like a dog, linking pleasure with behaviors that she wants.
That fact, that she is training me to be her toy and to please her and even engineering my reactions and intensifying my fetishes really turns me on.
I realized about a week ago that it's been a few months since Mistress Laura has allowed me to put my cock inside her.
At the same time, she has had me pleasure her to orgasms a few times a week and I have gotten used to not being allowed to come. She says it keeps me focused and hungry to please her and that I get more “naughty” soon after she lets me come. I argue with her a little about this, saying that I can be a perfectly good boy even if she lets me come a few times a week, she just smiles. In the end it doesn't matter, since she owns my cock and it's up to her when or if I come.
In fact, the last time she let me orgasm was about a month ago. The evening started normally enough. Wearing only a red frilly apron, her leather collar and high heel shoes, I had a hot chicken and rice meal on the table set for one and I was kneeling in the kitchen, waiting for her. She smiled and bent down to kiss me, and said “good girl,” before sitting down to enjoy her meal.
She told me to take off the apron and sit comfortably. I remember the kitchen floor was cold against my naked ass. Every once in a while, she fed me a morsel on her fork. When she was done, she put her plate of leftovers on the floor and told me to “finish it without using your hands.”
It's hard to describe what acts like this do to my mindset... I used my mouth and my tongue to clean the plate and I got a bit of rice stuck to my face, which she wiped away with a wet washcloth, then we retired to the living room.
In the living room, she had me set up the TV and give her the remote, then lay on my back at her feet while she watched television. She was sitting in her comfortable overstuffed chair (like a Lazy-Boy reclining chair). She positioned me so that my face was about where her foot would be and told me that my job was to massage her feet and to kiss and lick them. I proceeded to do so.
Touching my Mistress's pretty feet and ankles gets me very hot and bothered and the rising member between my legs attested to this fact. Every once in a while, I heard Mistress chuckle and say, “What a good boy, serving me turns you on.”
After a long time (probably about 30 minutes -- judging by the fact that the sitcom she was watching ended and another show began), she told me, “Since you've been such a good boy tonight, I'm going to let you come by rubbing yourself against my feet. When you make a mess, you'll have to lick my feet clean again. Understand?”
“Yes Mistress.”
She had me position myself with my ass close to her feet and told me to put my feet up so that they were somewhat supported on the arms of the chair; mostly it meant that the back of my calves were leaning against the chair handle in a way that somewhat supported the weight of my legs which were sticking up in the air.
So, from her vantage point, she could look down on my naked body, look into my face, and press her foot down into my shaved cock and balls.
Then, she started to slide her foot up and down the shaft of her engorged toy while looking at my eyes. The tip of my cock was pretty slippery with precum, so soon enough the bottom of her foot was slick and it felt pretty good sliding up and down.
“Such a good little boy,” Mistress Laura cooed while pressing hard into me and sliding her foot up my shaft. “You're going to have to beg to come, my boy.”
Hardly two minutes had passed. “Oh please, Mistress... Please... May I come?”
“You're going to have to lick off your own spooge, you know... Yes, you may!”
I shuddered a long shudder and most of the cum shot up to my belly and Mistress Laura deliberately pushed her foot into the puddle of cum, covering the bottom of her foot with my “spooge” as she called it.
For any submissive men that have not had the experience, the idea of licking your own cum is hot, but in reality, it's just disgusting.
Nevertheless, Mistress held her foot out in front of her and said “Clean me up, bitch.” and I repositioned myself so I was on all fours and licking the bottom of her foot, suppressing my gag reflex while she just chuckled.
Since that time, my usually strong level of arousal at touching Mistress Laura's feet has been even higher. From a psychological point of view, I understand this: She's training me like any pavlovian subject, like a dog, linking pleasure with behaviors that she wants.
That fact, that she is training me to be her toy and to please her and even engineering my reactions and intensifying my fetishes really turns me on.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
New Experience: Overwhelming desire to be hurt
Finally, it happened.
As some of you might know, in an earlier phase of my life, I used to delight in pain. Inflicting pain on (mostly) submissive girls of my acquaintance. I was good at it, too. A remorseless sadist with a sensitive touch; and yet... I never really understood the look of joy and transcendence in the submissive's face.
For the last few weeks, my Mistress wife has been working me hard, expecting perfect obedience and handing out demerits when I have not met her exacting demands. On a weekly basis, she has been punishing me; this is something that I crave but I don't enjoy.
Her punishments are painful and many times not the least bit erotic, and yet, when she hurts me, my cock becomes instantly hard and remains hard throughout the session. Sometimes I almost feel as if the session is a simple chore for her, another technique among many to keep her slaveboy in line. At other times, it's more than that... Or maybe I just fool myself, seeing what I want to see.
Tonight, for the first time ever, I started to feel something beyond the simple pain, and it was made clear to me that this is more than just a chore for her.
As I was leaving work to go home, there was a voicemail message on my cell phone from Mistress Laura:
“Slaveboy, tonight, when you come home, take a quick rinse, put your collar on, set up the cane and the paddle on the bed, kneel and wait for me in the bedroom. I want to settle your demerits tonight. I have a business meeting and will be home about 6:15. Be ready.”
Simple and direct. I drove home, arriving about half an hour before my Mistress, and quickly shaved, brushed my teeth and showered. I put everything in place and knelt by the bed, naked except for her collar, waiting.
When she arrived, she sat on the bed and watched me for what seemed like an eternity. I kept my eyes downcast and waited. Nervous. Finally, she patted the bed, her signal for me to get on the bed on all fours next to her.
“I want you to know something...”
I tensed up. Oh God. Here it comes. I know where this is going. She's going to tell me that she isn't into punishing me or is feeling some weight of obligation. She wants to back off or slow down. She's been very untalkative recently. Oh God. I feel sick in my stomach.
“When I have hurt you the last few times...”
I closed my eyes, feeling a rushing in my ears. I hope this is not going where I think it's going.
“It makes my cunt twitch.”
It feels as if the bottom falls out of my stomach and my head is swimming now. I am suddenly inflamed with the desire to be hurt. I don't say anything, but my breathing becomes ragged.
“I'm a bit afraid of my own feelings. Sometimes I really want to hurt you a lot more than I have... How do you feel about that, my boy?”
“Oh... Please... I want to please you, Mistress.” my cock is painfully erect. “I've never really felt like this before... In this instant, I want you to hurt me.” I manage to say, feeling a deep blush enveloping my face and neck.
Why am I embarrassed? Have I not caused this very state in others? I feel so raw and vulnerable in this instant.
She then stood up and walked around the bed, to look at my face. She cupped my face in her hands and tenderly asked a simple question:
“Are you sure?”
I realized at this point that this was my one chance to back out. If I had a headache or something was going on that I would not be able to withstand the kind of beating she was contemplating, now would be the time to say something. I loved Mistress Laura in that moment in a way that is hard to put into words. She takes good care of me.
“Yes, Mistress.”
She smiled then and slipped off her skirt and panties, then picked up the cane and walked around to my bottom.
“You have three demerits. I'm going to forget about you drawing a card tonight. The multiplier is 20. That means 60 strikes.”
She hit me in groups of 10 strikes. The first two groups were excruciatingly painful. I yelled in pain but I remained on the bed, on all fours. Sweat broke out all over my body and I whimpered. I felt a stinging heat a few times that suddenly washed over my whole body.
After she had delivered fifty strokes with the cane, I was flying high on endorphins. She stopped for a moment...
“I'm going to use this last ten strikes to get myself off... You can't see, but I'm touching myself with my other hand... You're such a good boy...” Mistress cooed.
With each stroke, it felt like my ass was on fire. I shouted with each one. Sometimes she paused for a few seconds and sometimes it seemed as if they were following one after another. I was not keeping track, but I am fairly certain that the last ten strokes stretched out into twenty or thirty strokes.
Towards the end of the beating... “Tell me how it feels, slaveboy.”
“It hurts, Mistress, it hurts a lot, but it also feels good. I'm so confused.”
“Oh... Good boy... I like hurting you....” and the guttural groans told me that my Mistress had orgasmed. My cock twitched and I wanted to ask for her to let me come too, but she cut that thought off...
“Mmmm... That was nice, slaveboy. Just in case you were wondering, I don't feel like making you come tonight. Maybe later in the week. Get off the bed and come here and kiss my feet.”
With my ass stinging, my body covered in sweat, completely overwhelmed with feelings of love, I crawled over to where Mistress Laura stood and lovingly kissed her feet.
I never considered myself a masochist. I'm not so sure now.
As some of you might know, in an earlier phase of my life, I used to delight in pain. Inflicting pain on (mostly) submissive girls of my acquaintance. I was good at it, too. A remorseless sadist with a sensitive touch; and yet... I never really understood the look of joy and transcendence in the submissive's face.
For the last few weeks, my Mistress wife has been working me hard, expecting perfect obedience and handing out demerits when I have not met her exacting demands. On a weekly basis, she has been punishing me; this is something that I crave but I don't enjoy.
Her punishments are painful and many times not the least bit erotic, and yet, when she hurts me, my cock becomes instantly hard and remains hard throughout the session. Sometimes I almost feel as if the session is a simple chore for her, another technique among many to keep her slaveboy in line. At other times, it's more than that... Or maybe I just fool myself, seeing what I want to see.
Tonight, for the first time ever, I started to feel something beyond the simple pain, and it was made clear to me that this is more than just a chore for her.
As I was leaving work to go home, there was a voicemail message on my cell phone from Mistress Laura:
“Slaveboy, tonight, when you come home, take a quick rinse, put your collar on, set up the cane and the paddle on the bed, kneel and wait for me in the bedroom. I want to settle your demerits tonight. I have a business meeting and will be home about 6:15. Be ready.”
Simple and direct. I drove home, arriving about half an hour before my Mistress, and quickly shaved, brushed my teeth and showered. I put everything in place and knelt by the bed, naked except for her collar, waiting.
When she arrived, she sat on the bed and watched me for what seemed like an eternity. I kept my eyes downcast and waited. Nervous. Finally, she patted the bed, her signal for me to get on the bed on all fours next to her.
“I want you to know something...”
I tensed up. Oh God. Here it comes. I know where this is going. She's going to tell me that she isn't into punishing me or is feeling some weight of obligation. She wants to back off or slow down. She's been very untalkative recently. Oh God. I feel sick in my stomach.
“When I have hurt you the last few times...”
I closed my eyes, feeling a rushing in my ears. I hope this is not going where I think it's going.
“It makes my cunt twitch.”
It feels as if the bottom falls out of my stomach and my head is swimming now. I am suddenly inflamed with the desire to be hurt. I don't say anything, but my breathing becomes ragged.
“I'm a bit afraid of my own feelings. Sometimes I really want to hurt you a lot more than I have... How do you feel about that, my boy?”
“Oh... Please... I want to please you, Mistress.” my cock is painfully erect. “I've never really felt like this before... In this instant, I want you to hurt me.” I manage to say, feeling a deep blush enveloping my face and neck.
Why am I embarrassed? Have I not caused this very state in others? I feel so raw and vulnerable in this instant.
She then stood up and walked around the bed, to look at my face. She cupped my face in her hands and tenderly asked a simple question:
“Are you sure?”
I realized at this point that this was my one chance to back out. If I had a headache or something was going on that I would not be able to withstand the kind of beating she was contemplating, now would be the time to say something. I loved Mistress Laura in that moment in a way that is hard to put into words. She takes good care of me.
“Yes, Mistress.”
She smiled then and slipped off her skirt and panties, then picked up the cane and walked around to my bottom.
“You have three demerits. I'm going to forget about you drawing a card tonight. The multiplier is 20. That means 60 strikes.”
She hit me in groups of 10 strikes. The first two groups were excruciatingly painful. I yelled in pain but I remained on the bed, on all fours. Sweat broke out all over my body and I whimpered. I felt a stinging heat a few times that suddenly washed over my whole body.
After she had delivered fifty strokes with the cane, I was flying high on endorphins. She stopped for a moment...
“I'm going to use this last ten strikes to get myself off... You can't see, but I'm touching myself with my other hand... You're such a good boy...” Mistress cooed.
With each stroke, it felt like my ass was on fire. I shouted with each one. Sometimes she paused for a few seconds and sometimes it seemed as if they were following one after another. I was not keeping track, but I am fairly certain that the last ten strokes stretched out into twenty or thirty strokes.
Towards the end of the beating... “Tell me how it feels, slaveboy.”
“It hurts, Mistress, it hurts a lot, but it also feels good. I'm so confused.”
“Oh... Good boy... I like hurting you....” and the guttural groans told me that my Mistress had orgasmed. My cock twitched and I wanted to ask for her to let me come too, but she cut that thought off...
“Mmmm... That was nice, slaveboy. Just in case you were wondering, I don't feel like making you come tonight. Maybe later in the week. Get off the bed and come here and kiss my feet.”
With my ass stinging, my body covered in sweat, completely overwhelmed with feelings of love, I crawled over to where Mistress Laura stood and lovingly kissed her feet.
I never considered myself a masochist. I'm not so sure now.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Thoughts about teasing and punishment
I am kneeling in front of the computer right now as I type this, only dressed in my Mistress's collar. She is sleeping in the other room, after ordering me to massage her hands and feet (using lotion) and then to lick her legs, especially behind her knees, while she kept teasing me verbally about all the things she wants to do to me on our next scheduled spanking session. I'm looking forward to Friday evening.
Earlier tonight, after I massaged her and licked her for over an hour, she slipped off her panties, grabbed me by the hair and shoved my face into her cunt.
“Lick me, slaveboy,” she ground my nose and face into her furry pussy. A long time ago, she used to shave herself smooth there. Now, I am titillated by her hairiness, especially since it contrasts with her requirement that I remove all my pubic hair. At the time she made that rule, she told me that since it's her cock, she wants to see it naked all the time, that means no clothes for me without her permission and the constant shaving always reminds me that I am her toy.
I licked and licked and she groaned and her scent filled my nose and mouth. My cock was standing at attention the whole time. “Faster. That's good. Good boy...” after a few more minutes, she bucked and made an utterly maddening guttural noise that was sort of a combination shout and moan while the shudder of her orgasm spread out over her whole body.
“Put your cock inside me. Once it's there, just hold me. Don't hump. Don't move. Just fill me.”
I did as my Mistress ordered, sliding my hard cock inside her and then just staying still. Holding her. Pure torture. She slowly drifted off to sleep, then, and just before she actually fell asleep, she told me “You'll sleep on the floor at the foot of the bed tonight. Go and get me a glass of orange juice and pull the covers over me.”
I did as I was told, and after I pulled the covers over her, I decided to write a bit in this blog, to settle myself down and to think by writing. I hope that what I write here makes sense tonight.
Paradoxically, not being allowed to sleep with my Mistress, after the intimacy of massaging her, licking her, giving her an orgasm and even being allowed to be inside her for a few minutes (oh, such a sweet heavenly torture) only makes me want her more. She completely has my number. :-)
As I wrote earlier, I am really looking forward to the next punishment session. They are the only times that I am allowed to orgasm, and then, not every time. The randomness of the reward, linked always to the certainty of pain, keeps me on my best behavior between sessions.
Mistress has managed to train me to hold my orgasms till she gives the command, which means that on occasion she has used me as her live dildo for about ten minutes, orgasming herself around my hard cock, then ordering me to pull out and to start working on cleaning the bathroom. Again, on the occasions that she has done things like that, I am mentally gone, “dropped” into sub-space, completely hers to command. My frustration is completely overpowered by my awe and devotion.
When we first began our relationship, Mistress Laura kept a notebook in which she would record my infractions (not listening, giving her back-talk, not doing something to her specifications) and then she would administer a weekly spanking, meting out whatever she decided for each bad behavior.
After a few months of this, she changed the system. She told me that she was tired of the book-keeping and would now be giving out “demerits” and that I would need to keep track of how many demerits I had between spanking sessions. Then, on Friday nights, I was required to lay out all her implements of torture (spanking paddle, whips, canes, clothes pins) and kneel next to the bed till she came into the bedroom. She would then decide how many swats each “demerit” was worth and would give me the punishment accordingly.
It hurts to be punished. I'm not really a pain slut, but I have found that I actually crave being hurt by her now... I don't really want to be hurt by anybody else, but for her, especially when that look of lust and pleasure crosses her face, I want her to beat me till there are welts on my ass that I can feel for a week afterwards...
A recent piece that Mistress Laura added to the punishment sessions: the introduction of chance. She now has me keep track of the number of demerits, then, before starting the punishment, she has me cut a deck of cards and pick a card. That card represents the number of swats per demerit that I will get. Her rules are that Jokers are wild (meaning she gets to decide what they represent) and the Jacks are 11, Kings are 12 and Queens are worth 13.
As of today, I have earned 7 demerits. The last few were kind of stupid of me. I argued with my Mistress when I should not have and I will pay for it, I am certain.
I hope I pull a nice high numbered card on Friday. :-)
Earlier tonight, after I massaged her and licked her for over an hour, she slipped off her panties, grabbed me by the hair and shoved my face into her cunt.
“Lick me, slaveboy,” she ground my nose and face into her furry pussy. A long time ago, she used to shave herself smooth there. Now, I am titillated by her hairiness, especially since it contrasts with her requirement that I remove all my pubic hair. At the time she made that rule, she told me that since it's her cock, she wants to see it naked all the time, that means no clothes for me without her permission and the constant shaving always reminds me that I am her toy.
I licked and licked and she groaned and her scent filled my nose and mouth. My cock was standing at attention the whole time. “Faster. That's good. Good boy...” after a few more minutes, she bucked and made an utterly maddening guttural noise that was sort of a combination shout and moan while the shudder of her orgasm spread out over her whole body.
“Put your cock inside me. Once it's there, just hold me. Don't hump. Don't move. Just fill me.”
I did as my Mistress ordered, sliding my hard cock inside her and then just staying still. Holding her. Pure torture. She slowly drifted off to sleep, then, and just before she actually fell asleep, she told me “You'll sleep on the floor at the foot of the bed tonight. Go and get me a glass of orange juice and pull the covers over me.”
I did as I was told, and after I pulled the covers over her, I decided to write a bit in this blog, to settle myself down and to think by writing. I hope that what I write here makes sense tonight.
Paradoxically, not being allowed to sleep with my Mistress, after the intimacy of massaging her, licking her, giving her an orgasm and even being allowed to be inside her for a few minutes (oh, such a sweet heavenly torture) only makes me want her more. She completely has my number. :-)
As I wrote earlier, I am really looking forward to the next punishment session. They are the only times that I am allowed to orgasm, and then, not every time. The randomness of the reward, linked always to the certainty of pain, keeps me on my best behavior between sessions.
Mistress has managed to train me to hold my orgasms till she gives the command, which means that on occasion she has used me as her live dildo for about ten minutes, orgasming herself around my hard cock, then ordering me to pull out and to start working on cleaning the bathroom. Again, on the occasions that she has done things like that, I am mentally gone, “dropped” into sub-space, completely hers to command. My frustration is completely overpowered by my awe and devotion.
When we first began our relationship, Mistress Laura kept a notebook in which she would record my infractions (not listening, giving her back-talk, not doing something to her specifications) and then she would administer a weekly spanking, meting out whatever she decided for each bad behavior.
After a few months of this, she changed the system. She told me that she was tired of the book-keeping and would now be giving out “demerits” and that I would need to keep track of how many demerits I had between spanking sessions. Then, on Friday nights, I was required to lay out all her implements of torture (spanking paddle, whips, canes, clothes pins) and kneel next to the bed till she came into the bedroom. She would then decide how many swats each “demerit” was worth and would give me the punishment accordingly.
It hurts to be punished. I'm not really a pain slut, but I have found that I actually crave being hurt by her now... I don't really want to be hurt by anybody else, but for her, especially when that look of lust and pleasure crosses her face, I want her to beat me till there are welts on my ass that I can feel for a week afterwards...
A recent piece that Mistress Laura added to the punishment sessions: the introduction of chance. She now has me keep track of the number of demerits, then, before starting the punishment, she has me cut a deck of cards and pick a card. That card represents the number of swats per demerit that I will get. Her rules are that Jokers are wild (meaning she gets to decide what they represent) and the Jacks are 11, Kings are 12 and Queens are worth 13.
As of today, I have earned 7 demerits. The last few were kind of stupid of me. I argued with my Mistress when I should not have and I will pay for it, I am certain.
I hope I pull a nice high numbered card on Friday. :-)
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Musings on ownership and permanent markings
My Mistress has a rule for me that is deliciously lopsided.
I am required to wear my wedding ring while she will almost never wears hers. It's one of the ways that she reminds me that I am owned and that she is the boss. This morning, in the hustle and bustle of getting ready to chauffeur her to work on the way to my own job, I forgot to put her ring on.
Later in the day, when we were driving back home, she noticed that I was not wearing my “man collar” as she likes to call it. She teased me by saying in a mock exasperated voice “What, do you think you are a free boy now? Where is my ring, slaveboy? How can you forget to put your little man-collar on?”
Her teasing has the effect of going straight to my emotions and my loins. I was thrilled to be teased, at the same time as being embarrassed. Frankly, the worst thing in the world would have been if she had not noticed it or did not comment on it. I was not trying to be bad in any way, but once I noticed that I was not wearing the ring, I wanted her to notice it and control me and the situation. Does that make any sense?
In any case, the conversation meandered and at one point Mistress Laura says to me:
“You know... In about a year, if you are still my slaveboy, which I don't see why you wouldn't be... I'm going to put a tattoo on you. I'm not exactly sure what it would be, but I know I'm going to do it. Not this summer, but next summer.”
If I were not driving the car, I would have dropped to me knees and kissed her feet. That proclamation made my stomach drop and my vision get misty for a few seconds. I was happy, but I wasn't quite sure why. My breathing became ragged and she just chuckled.
Now, I reflect on what I was happy about... I hate needles. I don't really like tattoos. But even thinking about my dislikes makes me horny and weak in the knees. I like the fact that she knows that I hate needles and tattoos and she still wants to mark me in that way.
Of course, right now the idea is merely fantasy. Two summers from now is a long time away. But... I remember my Mistress's chuckle and I know that it's more than fantasy.
From my own experiences as the dominant in some relationships in the past, I know that some changes are nurtured slowly. When you want your submissive to do something for you that goes against their natural inclinations, you introduce the idea and link it to pleasing you. You play with it as an idea and tease them with it, and if you are successful at playing with the idea, by the time the actual deed is done, the submissive is practically begging the dominant to have it done.
I can see that starting to happen to me.
I am required to wear my wedding ring while she will almost never wears hers. It's one of the ways that she reminds me that I am owned and that she is the boss. This morning, in the hustle and bustle of getting ready to chauffeur her to work on the way to my own job, I forgot to put her ring on.
Later in the day, when we were driving back home, she noticed that I was not wearing my “man collar” as she likes to call it. She teased me by saying in a mock exasperated voice “What, do you think you are a free boy now? Where is my ring, slaveboy? How can you forget to put your little man-collar on?”
Her teasing has the effect of going straight to my emotions and my loins. I was thrilled to be teased, at the same time as being embarrassed. Frankly, the worst thing in the world would have been if she had not noticed it or did not comment on it. I was not trying to be bad in any way, but once I noticed that I was not wearing the ring, I wanted her to notice it and control me and the situation. Does that make any sense?
In any case, the conversation meandered and at one point Mistress Laura says to me:
“You know... In about a year, if you are still my slaveboy, which I don't see why you wouldn't be... I'm going to put a tattoo on you. I'm not exactly sure what it would be, but I know I'm going to do it. Not this summer, but next summer.”
If I were not driving the car, I would have dropped to me knees and kissed her feet. That proclamation made my stomach drop and my vision get misty for a few seconds. I was happy, but I wasn't quite sure why. My breathing became ragged and she just chuckled.
Now, I reflect on what I was happy about... I hate needles. I don't really like tattoos. But even thinking about my dislikes makes me horny and weak in the knees. I like the fact that she knows that I hate needles and tattoos and she still wants to mark me in that way.
Of course, right now the idea is merely fantasy. Two summers from now is a long time away. But... I remember my Mistress's chuckle and I know that it's more than fantasy.
From my own experiences as the dominant in some relationships in the past, I know that some changes are nurtured slowly. When you want your submissive to do something for you that goes against their natural inclinations, you introduce the idea and link it to pleasing you. You play with it as an idea and tease them with it, and if you are successful at playing with the idea, by the time the actual deed is done, the submissive is practically begging the dominant to have it done.
I can see that starting to happen to me.
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